Archive for June, 2012

This post probably isn’t as humorous as the others, it’s more of a recap post. Read on if you like. If you want to skip down to read about today’s stuff instead of reading the recap stuff, just scroll down until you see Wilford Brimley.

I’ve decided today and tomorrow’s posts are going to contain something about every single mini-goal. I have nothing better to do on this Friday and Saturday night since I’m not out boozing it up with the rest of you.  It is my sincere hope that you read this after having a few cocktails. I’m MUCH more tolerable when you’ve been drinking, trust me. Here we go:

  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh.

This blog takes me between one and two hours to write every night, depending on how much I rely on the internet to give me good ideas for random gifs and pictures. If you are old and don’t know what a gif is, it’s pronounced like gift without the t at the end, and a good example is this one from June 19th’s entry:

justin timberlake

No matter how many times you look at it, he’s still disappointed that I missed doing a green blend ONE damn time. Get off my ass J.T.!

I really do enjoy writing this thing. There have been a few people that I had NO idea were actually following along that have stopped and said something to me when they’ve seen me out and about. That’s the best part about doing this, knowing that someone is actually reading my inane ramblings and laughing every once in a while.

2. Waking up before 8am everyday.

I love waking up late on the weekends, so this one is just super shitty. My alarm has ruined almost every awesome dream I’ve had in the past month (like June 7th).

3. Go for a jog every day.

Getting hurt was the best thing that ever happened to me, as it gave me a great cop out to bike more and swim instead, and I’ve noticed that as long as I have something else to concentrate on, like basketball (or any girl at the grocery store that I can have an internal debate over the fact that she may or may not be 18) I can jog or run just fine.  It’s the constant one after another pounding on my foot that gets to my ankle, so even though I try it out every day, I end up walking back after 1/3rd of a mile or so because it aches. I still doubt highly that I’ll ever be a “runner”, but I did sign up for a mud run thing in July…so that’s progress right?

4. Do a “Green Blend” every day. 

Other than the ONE that I missed due to forgetfulness, I’ve choked down one of these every single day. They have ranged from disgusting to passable. Mainly passable. I have yet to get one down and then say “ya know, that was pretty damn tasty”

5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). 

I decided on June 21st that I would be growing my hair out to donate to I need to grow it out until Sept or Oct of 2013 for it to be long enough. I’m currently taking bets to see if I’ll follow through with it. This beard makes me look manly, but it needs to go. It’s 100 degrees out and I’m wearing a f*cking ski mask on my chin.

6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day.

This has been one of the best surprises, I look forward to this one everyday, and yes Erica, it’s DEFINITELY getting creepier by the day. I had an old lady just flat out ignore me today. It was very funny in my head.

7. No television!

I allowed myself to watch the NBA Playoffs which were awesome this year, but besides that it’s been:

snowy television tv

I have also not watched any movies or played any video games on the tv even though it was originally supposed to just be cable related television programming. Full disclosure: I have watched movies on my computer. Although it was not porn.

8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). 

This one has been really really hard. Try to think about every time you drink something besides water today, now think about if you had to replace that with water. It blows. I used to drink zero glasses of water a day, and now I drink at least a gallon a day. I will be transitioning back to other things after this is over, but I really think I’m going to keep the other things at a real minimum. I have a feeling drinking a Diet Pepsi with my dinner on Tuesday is going to be heaven in glass.

martini glass

actual heaven in a glass

9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. 

I thought about this the other day. Let’s say 20 people have been reading this blog since day one and you all know what’s going on. I don’t know that I’ll be able to go to happy Ben alone fun time super amazing porntown on the 3rd. Not with all you knowing what’s going on. I’m creeping myself out just thinking about it.

Maybe I’ll just wait until I’m actually in a relationsh HAHAHAH…just kididng.

10. No logging onto Facebook.

My phone updates me with “So and so said something on your Facebook” But it doesn’t say what they’ve said! So people who have been writing on my wall and such…thanks for the suspenseful June. Can’t wait to see what you’ve all been saying. I hope it’s all about how sexy I am. I don’t really miss Facebook at all though, I’ll definitely be toning down how often I’m on it from now on.

That’s the first 10, tomorrow the second 10 and the added ones.

willford brimley

Here’s the quick and dirty about today:

Everything went off without a hitch today because I made time for everything. The lone exception being that while I was on time for work, I got held up in the warehouse for like 2 minutes and I clocked in at 7:01am. Bullshit. I’m still counting it because I was there on time, just delayed clocking in. You don’t have a problem with that because you still can’t juggle. BTW, if you had put in your 15 minutes a day into learning to juggle when I started writing this blog…you’d have spent six and a half hours total learning that skill by now.

I played very well at Noon Hoops today. One might say I was like Michael Jordan. Well maybe baseball Michael…

Michael Jordan Baseball

I did some errands this afternoon and part of that was to drop off a couple of cakes to my credit union. The people there take care of me and are awesome. I was glad to give them some cake to start off their collective weekends right!

two cakes in plastic bags

After I clocked out of work at 4pm, I rode my bike home, did my pushup workout, and rode my bike back to work to pick up my car so I could get to the golf course by 5pm to tee off for my Friday golf league, then I went home and cooked dinner.

Last year that sentence would have been: “After I clocked out of work at 4pm I drove to Arby’s, ate 3000 calories on my way to golf league, then stayed after and drank a bunch of beer and ate more food.”

Probably a good call on that little change.

Dinner tonight was AWESOME. I even took pictures:

egg bacon burger

Step one, cut a hole in the meat.

bacon hamburger on grill

add crackpork aka Bacon

egg in the middle of ground beef

drop in an egg

fried egg burger

fry that bastard up good

cheese bacon egg burger

drop it on some wheat bread with cheese

It was so insanely good. I imagine it’s what unicorn meat blessed by Jesus would taste like. I wanted to cook and eat another one immediately, and although I had the ingredients to do so, I did not. That, my friends, is will power.

So that’s day twenty six, I bounced back today and it was great.


  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
  2. Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS) Yeah, I’m surprised too.
  3. Go for a jog every day. (SUCCESS) Bike ride plus golf plus pushups plus shut up I know none of that is jogging, the ankle is still too sore for it. The basketball cannot be making it better.
  4. Do a “Green Blend” every day. (I’ve missed ONE)
  5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS) Growing it out for!
  6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS)
  7. No television! (SUCCESS)
  8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
  9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. (SUCCESS)
  10. No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
  11. Complete one project around the house every week. (4 of 4 SUCCESS) DONE!
  12. Volunteer two times somewhere. (3 of 2 SUCCESS)
  13. Read one book every week. (3 of 4 SUCCESS)
  14. Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
  15. Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
  16. Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS)
  17. No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS)
  18. Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
  19. Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
  20. Be on time to work everyday (SUCCESS) It’s gotta be a damn record.


  1. Weight lift everyday except Sundays (SUCCESS) also acceptable is a pushup routine.
  2. Bike to work and back everyday that I go to work (SUCCESS) Meh…biking there and back. Maybe not to and from.
  4. Wake up before 7 instead of 8 everyday. (SUCCESS)