June 4th

Posted: June 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

I don’t really know what format I’m going to use on a daily basis… so I think I’ll have the list at the bottom of every daily post with a “SUCCESS” or “FAIL” or “PENDING”. I also want to share some highlights because screw you, this is my thing. You want a thing? Go find a thing. Maybe juggling?  You’d probably be good at it. Annnnnyway:

I’ve decided a few things already.  Some of these are going to be really easy, i.e. keeping this blog and not shaving. Some things are going to be moderately tough, the jog every morning, for example. Some things are going to be terribly hard, like the biting the fingernails.

What I didn’t realize, is how many times a day I touch my penis.

Ok just kidding. Stay with me here. I honestly didn’t think it would be hard to skip out on Facebook, only drink water, and do a random act of kindness every day. Now I feel dumber than a Kardashian trying to do long division.

I realized today that my life is set up to check Facebook. The app on my phone, as well as just typing “f” in the browser on my work and home computer gets me to Facebook damn quickly AND I caught myself today typing “f”, pressing the down key, and hitting enter and BOOM I’m at the Facebook login page.       Creepy.      (No, I did not log in) I’ve since deleted my history so it’s not easy to get to the book of face, and I deleted the app off my phone. Done and done.

I was fine all day with water until I made myself a sammich for dinner, I went to the fridge and grabbed a glass for some OJ…and then caught myself. It’s going to be harder than I thought to concentrate on JUST DRINKING WATER for 30 days…seriously…what the hell did I do to myself here.

Random acts of kindness are going to be really tough…it’s hard to tell what exactly one is. Today I was with a customer and then a neighbor later in the day and I did the same thing. They were both in their late 60’s, and instead of cutting them off so I could get back to my day, I decided to ask them a follow up question and they both took their time telling me the answer to the question and I could tell they were glad to share more with me. I’m counting this as a random act of kindness, even though I’m not quite sure that I agree that it meets that criteria.

Lastly, This green blend business. First of all, I spent 10 minutes last night at Kroger trying to find f*cking kale. If you don’t know what kale is, it’s basically a plastic aquarium plant that is for some reason, edible.

See???

It’s what Spongebob puts on Krabby Patties, guaranteed.

So…Kristi’s recipe for this green blend consists of one hand full of spinach, kale, grapes, and broccoli. It also calls for one green apple, and two skinned kiwis.

What I learned is that 1. My hands are much larger than Kristi’s, and B. Kiwis are friggin hard to peel.

I turned this:

A bowl of my childhood nightmares

into two pint glasses of what I assumed was going to taste like if Satan peed in a dead skunk and then wrung it into a glass.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was quite good I have to admit.  Trust me, shocked the shit out of me too. I just had broccoli for the first time since I was literally a tiny, adorable infant.  AND I DIDN’T THROW UP.

VERY surprisingly tasty

(Full disclosure, it’s been 3 hours since I drank it and I feel decently sick to my stomach, so we’ll see what that is all about in the AM)

So that’s day one. It was really f*cking hard.

Recap:

  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
  2. Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS)
  3. Go for a jog every morning. (SUCCESS) I HATED THIS
  4. Do a “Green Blend” every morning. (SUCCESS) although it was not morning, it was afternoon.
  5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS)
  6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS) the woman behind the desk at the YMCA
  7. No television other than the NBA Playoffs. (SUCCESS)
  8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
  9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure (I hate you Teresa). (SUCCESS)
  10. No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
  11. Complete one project around the house every week. (PENDING)
  12. Volunteer two times somewhere. (PENDING)
  13. Read one book every week. (PENDING)
  14. Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
  15. Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
  16. Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS)
  17. No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS) I caught myself a few times but immediately stopped so I’m counting it a win
  18. Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
  19. Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
Comments
  1. tlruminski says:

    Dude, you are a great writer! I am so looking forward to getting your update EVERYDAY! And, I know you don’t really hate me. :). Keep going strong at what the rest of us are afraid to do!

    • Why thank you! This stuff is ridiculous and I pretty much couldn’t be happier that I’ve decided to show off my amazing ability to deprive myself of things. YAY Ben! Thanks for following along!

  2. Great first day, Ben. The blog is really funny. Keep it up!

  3. Thanks much! I’m looking forward to making fun of myself for 29 more days! 🙂 Thanks for following it too, dude!

  4. Ryan Panos says:

    Mr. Ben, nice first day! I am enjoying the blog, espcially since I know you, and your mannerisms and your speak, so it’s like you’re right here in the room while I’m reading. Also stoked about the proposition of some hoops this week good sir. Keep it up!

  5. Ryan Panos says:

    oh and btw, what are you gonna do when the NBA Playoffs are over?? They end before July 3rd…..

  6. Alyssa May says:

    Thank you for texting me with a nice compliment yesterday – it made my day! Keep it up, love!!

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