This morning was brutally brutal. I did not want to get out of bed at all. Honestly, I was having an awesome dream.  You were in it. Juggling chainsaws…how’s that coming?

you, in my dream

So there you were, in my dream juggling….and then some chirpy bullshit starts annoying me and in my dream-like state I’m going “noooo don’t distract my good friend, they are juggling chainsaws!” Of course I realized quickly that the chirpy bullshit was just my alarm going off and you weren’t really in danger of being torn asunder by metal teeth.

I rolled over and looked at my alarm and saw this:

I begrudgingly got up and went for my stupid jog/walk.

I did not try hard though. I didn’t sweat enough where I felt uncomfortable enough that I needed a shower before work. So that probably tells you how much effort I put into that jog.

Speaking of not taking a shower, I showed up to work and my dad says:

“Good morning, you didn’t take a shower this morning did you?”

“No dad, I did not.”(holy shit how did he know that??)

“Nice hair”

I really had no idea what he was talking about until I took my own picture.


I have never really had this problem because I normally look like this:

I have good jeans.

As you can tell by that caption, I really love puns.


My hair is getting long and REALLY annoying. Yet another thing I didn’t think would be a factor this month, and was wrong about. Before you are quick to throw me a pity party, read on my lovelies!

I went to Noon Hoops again today and got in an actual, solid workout in. I played like rusty poop, but it really was a good sweat. As I was leaving the YMCA, there was a man using a folding chair and a cane to move across the empty lobby.  I passed him and hit the doors to exit when I glanced back and noticed he was heading towards the elevator. I was running a bit late back to work after playing ball, but waited the minute it took him to get over by the elevator. He was physically handicapped and I was honestly wondering how he was even walking at all, but he was doing it very slowly and deliberately. I walked over and asked him if he would like me to hit the elevator button for him. He said yes, and after I hit it, he took so long to get inside the doors started closing again so I hit the button again. It worked out.

I’m counting that as my random act of kindness for the day.  This guy who is clearly hurting, using a f*cking folding chair that he is scooting across the floor to get to the elevator so he can go up for some physical therapy. That right there is why I realize how easy my month of stupid bullshit really is. That’s the kind of shit that you see, and then later you hear something your co-worker is bitching about, “can you believe they don’t provide Splenda for our coffee? OMG”, and you just want to invent time travel so you could kick their dad in the nuts so hard he can’t have kids.

Ok that’s enough filthy hate. Let’s take some time to get back on a positive note:

There, I feel better now.

Now for some viewer mail. Bethany from Timbuktu writes:


Dear Rusty Poop,

Does your mom’s chicken parm count as your cheat meal?

All my love,



Dear Bethany,



Rusty Poop


The whole point of the “making my own meals” thing was not to buy a single serving meal from a restaurant or fast food place. So no eating out basically. (I DARE YOU TO MAKE AN ABSTINENCE JOKE THERE)

I’ve been eating Healthy Choice and granola bars and other 100% recycled cardboard, and I certainly didn’t make those. So I’m going with, as long as I don’t purchase food from a restaurant or fast food place, I’m good. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been making an effort to eat a little healthier overall, though. The really screwed up thing is that when I want to go grab some ice cream or a cookie or something junk foodie, I remember that I’ll be drinking water with it and it influences me not to eat the crappy food. Who wants girl scout cookies without ice cold milk, ya know?

I think the drinking only water decision is the best one I’ve made. The worst one? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK MR. AND MRS. 1000 F*CKING QUESTIONS??   Ok, It might be the abstinence one.

Ryan Panos asked me today if it was hard giving up Facebook. I do miss it, being part of peoples’ lives that don’t live in LaPorte is a big part of my life, and say what you will about Facebook, it really is awesome to be able to keep up with my friends that live in California, Boston, Florida, Nebraska, Georgia, New York, Vegas, Canada, and even Indianapolis. Not Utah though, screw that state.

Panos and I were also discussing Facebook and he made an excellent point. I’m paraphrasing because I forgot my recorder at home:

You know when someone puts up a status and it says something like, “Going to the park”, and then you realize they posted that 3 weeks ago and haven’t followed up? Are they still at the park? Are they ok? Someone should friggin go check on them! I told Ryan it reminded me of this Mitch Hedberg bit:


I’m 2 hours into my first book:

Why hours and not pages? It’s an audiobook. I realized if I’m going to do ALL of these things, there are only 24 hours in a day and I’m going to have to compromise some of them. Don’t judge me. Or do, judging is really fun.

So that’s day four, everything is still really f*cking hard, but I have a better appreciation for how easy I really have it overall. Thanks, random guy at the YMCA.


  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
  2. Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS)
  3. Go for a jog every morning. (SUCCESS) I WILL NEVER LIKE RUNNING, EVER
  4. Do a “Green Blend” every morning. (SUCCESS) although it was not morning, it was afternoon again.
  5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS)
  6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS)
  7. No television other than the NBA Playoffs. (SUCCESS)
  8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
  9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. (SUCCESS)
  10. No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
  11. Complete one project around the house every week. (SUCCESS)
  12. Volunteer two times somewhere. (PENDING)
  13. Read one book every week. (1/2 bitching out with the first one being an audiobook)
  14. Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
  15. Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
  16. Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS) I DID TWO!!!
  17. No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS) I caught myself a few times but immediately stopped AGAIN so I’m counting it a win
  18. Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
  19. Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
  1. You are going to make someone very very very happy one day….and laugh a lot. Keep up the great work.

  2. I take full credit for this ridiculousnessly(yes, it is a word) awesome blog… *pats self on back*. Good work, good work…

    • I give you full credit, ma lady! fun tidbit, I used the “ma lady” today on a random woman outside the Y, she looked very confused and then stared down at the ground. AWKWARD SUCCESS.

  3. I don’t know what it was, but the view mail made me laugh really hard. Great job today, and audio books count because you’re still getting every word.

  4. tlruminski says:

    No love for your homegirl in Utah? It’s because I made you a born again virgin, huh? Ha! BTW, thanks for the hot Ryan Reynolds pic…I saved that one! You are crackin’ me up with your blog – keep going strong!

  5. Ryan Panos says:

    Mr. Ben I still think you are cray for this endeavor you are on but because of this I am going to drink nothing but water for the rest of the month. Evnthough i quit drinking regular soda last month i will drink water. You inspire me you crazy sonofabitch!!!!!!!

    • I love it! I’m absolutely going to publicly shame you if you fail. Wait, that didn’t sound very supportive. What I meant to say is, I’m pulling for you good sir, and I shall check on you often!

      • Ryan Panos says:

        I know you will. It will be a struggle because even though time rarely allows it, I do enjoy the occasional beer. What I mean by occasional is whenever I get the chance I’ll drink a whole fu****g case!!!! At any rate, it was good seeing you yesterday and keep the momentum swinging. Weekends will probably prove to be the toughest in your odyssey, but I’m behind you 110% Keep on keepin’ on Cochise!!!!

  6. mommyest09 says:

    You are one funny guy. That’s all.

  7. […] all. I woke up this morning from a crazy dream. It wasn’t a sex dream, and you weren’t juggling chainsaws in it. Yesterday I signed up to be a Make-A-Wish volunteer. I did it right before I went to bed, so […]

  8. […] I love waking up late on the weekends, so this one is just super shitty. My alarm has ruined almost every awesome dream I’ve had in the past month (like June 7th). […]

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