I was informed today that I am 1/3 the way through this silliness. I’ll admit I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I’m going to try to make this a shorter than normal post so I can catch up on some sex dreams that I can’t do anything about. Awesome.

I’m open to receiving suggestions for random acts of kindness, the chances of them happening just out there in the world are slim some days when I don’t get the chance to interact with so many people.

That’s why I’m thankful my friend texted me and asked me to use my powers of internet research to find her something useful that she could not find herself. Knowing I could sneak by with this being my random act of kindness (or RAOK as the kids call it) I made damn sure to search high and low for the information she needed. It felt good to get it to her decently quickly, and I’m totally counting that as my ROAK for today.

Another ROAK for the day should be anyone looking at my muthaflippin’ fingernails…they are looking THAT good. I didn’t take a picture of them today because that’s a little creepy. Suffice to say I’m going to get a manicure next week so I can feel like this:

Transitional Statement Not Found.

I jogged on the treadmill today. I did not enjoy it. There is this little red line that keeps you informed of how far around the simulated track you’ve gone. I gave up after 4 laps. A mile is a mile. It felt like 8.

I played Noon Hoops for much longer than I should have today, knowing full well I would be running with some dogs after work.

I think part of me likes volunteering at the animal shelter because I get to run around and play with some big dogs. I don’t have a big dog. I have Larry.

Larry

As you can see, Larry is not a large dog. Yes, I did give him that name. He is a 13 year old dog that I’ve been told is 80% blind/deaf/ornery. He sits in my room and barks into the wall because he doesn’t know that he’s barking into a wall.  He has hip problems and can’t walk very well, he is on medications galore, and when I first got him his teeth were pretty much rotted out of his skull. But other than that man he’s just a spitball of energy, let me tell you!

Tangent time! If you know/don’t give a shit about Larry’s origin story you could probably skip this next part. If you don’t know/actually care…read on.

I found Larry on the side of the road in December two years ago at approximately 5:30AM. That would be one of those nights where I hadn’t yet gone to bed. It looked like the snow was moving, and I knew I wasn’t that drunk. So I took him home with me. I found his owner by putting an ad in the paper. Turns out the dude that lost him and then took him back, was allergic to him and was looking to get rid of him because 2 weeks later I got a phone calling telling me exactly that. So I went over to pick the dog up and the dude is smoking a cig that needed to be ashed 20 minutes ago. Also he looks like Paul Giamatti with a pony tail and super 80’s chest hair.

Not Pictured: Super 80’s chest hair

So the guy offers to wash Larry’s bowls out so I can take them with me. I agree, and he starts scrubbing. Now I’m standing there trying to think of something to break the awkward silence besides “wow, sure do have at least 30 ashtrays in here”. I notice there is a large casserole dish on the counter next to the sink with what looks to be a medium sized game bird that has been congealing for a few days (it’s yellowish/orange). I’m not making this up, this is exactly the exchange that took place, verbatim:

Me: (noticing the casserole dish) “Wow, looks like somebody had a feast.”

Him: “Yeah, sucks being poor.”

Imagine you are in that position. Imagine that’s the conversation you two just had. WHERE THE F*CK DO YOU GO FROM THERE? Does he mean that thing in the dish was roadkill? Another beloved pet, perhaps? Did I save Larry from certain death?

I honestly do not remember what I said to him. I’m pretty sure it was nothing. For the first time in a long time I didn’t have shit to say about shit. Weird City, USA.

Ok, back to the shelter. The big St. Bernard that I met yesterday is getting adopted already, so that’s great. I hope they put a little barrel of alcohol around his neck like in the cartoons from when I was 9.

I’m going to be volunteering there once a week from now on. It was a very positive experience that I hope to continue for a very long time. I do think it makes a difference for the dogs, getting to run around for a little and getting some one on one attention. <—— That’s a very mature statement. I’ll counter with this one. I love boobies.

I have no real reason to put that picture in this post. This dog just loved to run after a tennis ball and then come over and cuddle up and get some belly rubs. I could have spent the entire hour and 1/2 with her. They just found her yesterday so if you know of anyone who lost a dog (I’m looking at you, person from Portugal), let me know.

I’m tired. Stop reading and go juggle.

So that’s day ten, everything is still really f*cking hard. But those dogs man, they rocked, again.

Recap:

  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
  2. Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS) Yeah, I’m surprised too.
  3. Go for a jog every morning. (SUCCESS)
  4. Do a “Green Blend” every morning. (SUCCESS)
  5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS)
  6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS)
  7. No television other than the NBA Playoffs. (SUCCESS) Thunder/Heat…I’m taking the Thunder in 6
  8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
  9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. (SUCCESS) It’s getting harder. Get it?
  10. No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
  11. Complete one project around the house every week. (2 of 4 SUCCESS)
  12. Volunteer two times somewhere. (2 of 2 SUCCESS)
  13. Read one book every week. (1 of 4 SUCCESS)
  14. Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
  15. Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
  16. Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS)
  17. No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS) I’m catching myself doing it less and less…so that’s good.
  18. Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
  19. Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
  20. Be on time to work everyday (SUCCESS)
Comments
  1. Deanna says:

    I am more than convinced that some random, amazing woman in the world (possibly in Portugal) is going to find your blog and ask you on a date. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and that picture of you and the dog just made my ovaries scream with happiness. Hey, thanks for the RAOK.

  2. Carrie says:

    RAOK…. Couple things I’ve fine lately… In the kind for coffee, there was a group of military men behind me, I picked up all 3 of their drinks, and thanked then for their service. It’s not much, but it made them and me feel good that day.

    2 days ago I saw a homeless dude with a sign, generally I ignore these people because I don’t believe them…. But his sign said hungry… So u went through the drive through, spent $3 on burgers… And handed then to him.

    But it could be even easier… Leave a post it in a it on a random persons car that says smile, or something. It’s corny but these things make other people smile. 🙂 Also google random acts of kindness, read a few blogs, you’ll get a plethora of ideas 🙂

    • I love it. Thank you for the ideas! Here all I was going to do was focus on not spreading the clap I’ve had since 97. Whew, thank goodness you came along when you did! 🙂

  3. Katie Szpyrka says:

    I will be thinking all day about getting a St. Bernard for all the alcohol carrying opportunities it could present now thanks to your blog! We tried to teach our dog to bring us beer, that was not very successful. But if it’s already on his neck, it’s a win-win!

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