A quick note about yesterday’s post. I put up a gif that I made that showed a bunch of post-notes that I wrote positive messages on and placed on people’s car windows as my random act of kindness. That gif wasn’t there when I looked tonight, so if you didn’t see it yesterday and were confused by what the f*ck I was talking about, I apologize. It was there when I previewed the post last night, so it’s obviously Greg’s fault. F*cking Greg. You should call him and bitch him out: 772-257-4501. Ok, now on to today…
I jogged, I blended, I played golf for 5 hours, I didn’t touch my penis, I texted people stuff, I was early to work, I did everything.
The thing that made me happiest today happened at the grocery store. No, not because Fatty Fat Fat was surrounded by food…
…I was checking out, literally thinking about what I was going to do for my RAOK (Random Act Of Kindness if you are just joining us) and this little old lady was in front of me about to pay her bill. I asked her if she would mind if I paid for her groceries. She said no, but still had a bill out and was about to hand it to the cashier. I think she was calling my bluff. I reached over with my credit card and swiped it, and she turned dead at me and said “I didn’t think you were serious, why did you do that?”
I explained what was going on this month for me and that I needed a RAOK for the day. She got a little choked up and told me that I was going to make her tear up a little. “People just don’t do that kind of stuff anymore.”, she said. “You just made my whole day.”
Nine dollars and twenty two cents. That’s all it took to change someone’s day from good to great. Funny part is, that someone was me. BOOM. I totally just M Night Shyamalaned you right there. You thought I was going to say it was the old lady. HA.
Seriously though, how great is that reaction? Loved it.
I had a golf outing today for the Builder’s Association of LaPorte County. Have you ever been to a golf outing? Everyone is drinking beer. All of the time. All of the day. All of the beer. It was 90 degrees. The three people I was golfing with were drinking beer. The beer was free.
I HAD TO PASS UP FREE BEER ON A 90 DEGREE DAY
IN WHICH I WAS DOING NOTHING BUT GOLFING.
Screw the transition, here’s the next thing:
Believe it or not, people actually ask me about this stupid blog now. I hit 182 views the other day. No, I don’t know what that means. Yes, when it went down to 163 the following day I was filled with despair. It’s a pretty big deal around town I’m sure, as it’s spread from the city to the county according to my friend Jason. It’s a bigger deal than when Pa found that woodchuck having babies last harvest, I reckon.
I’ve been thinking about what is going to happen after July 3rd. I’m going to need to keep going in some capacity. I mean, I should probably learn to play the kazoo or slide whistle or something if you and I are going to perform across America in a traveling juggling/musical act.
So I’ve decided to incorporate some long range/long term goals into this resolution business.
I’ve decided to Bucket List the SHIT out of the rest of 2012.
My Bucket List until December 31st 11:59pm of 2012 is as follows:
- Dunk a basketball.
- Raise 500 dollars of other people’s money for the LaPorte Small Animal Shelter (It’s easy to donate, harder to raise those funds).
- Go on a 4 day weekend getaway somewhere tropical by myself.
- Meet a famous person, people from reality TV don’t count.
- Become SCUBA certified.
- Attempt to break a Guinness World Record
- Learn to play one entire song on an instrument.
That’s all I’ve got so far. I’m going to update the list by the end of this June challenge. I’m looking to have 25 total things on it by then. Suggestions welcome 🙂 If you say go vegan, I’ll break my resolution to stay off Facebook, just to unfriend you. Speaking of, how can you tell if someone is vegan? Just wait, they’ll tell you.
For the golf outing every year, my dad always makes these up to donate as door prizes:
That’s one seamless piece of downspout that is angled at both ends. It contains six cans of beer. Every year, people win it and immediately try to get the beer cans out. I’ve never seen them be successful without a saw of some kind. I think it’s clever, and I never get tired of hearing the winner of the prize say, “Pshh Oh I’m gettin’ this beer out right now”. It’s always fun to watch.
I just glanced at the clock. I forgot I’ll be waking up in 6 hours. SHIT.
I’m done typing. If you call the number at the top of the page, it’s harmless and funny and I really hope that one of you had the balls to just dial it for funsies.
Today’s fun fact: The longest standing Olympic record is for men’s long jump. It dates back to 1968 in Mexico City. Oh, look over there, I just dropped some KNOWLEDGE.
So that’s day twelve, everything is still really f*cking tiring.
- Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
- Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS) Yeah, I’m surprised too.
- Go for a jog every morning. (SUCCESS)
- Do a “Green Blend” every morning. (SUCCESS)
- Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS)
- Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS)
- No television other than the NBA Playoffs. (SUCCESS) Thunder/Heat…I’m taking the Thunder in 6
- Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
- Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. (SUCCESS) It’s getting harder. Get it?
- No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
- Complete one project around the house every week. (2 of 4 SUCCESS)
- Volunteer two times somewhere. (2 of 2 SUCCESS)
- Read one book every week. (1 of 4 SUCCESS)
- Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
- Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
- Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS)
- No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS) I’m catching myself doing it less and less…so that’s good.
- Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
- Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
- Be on time to work everyday (SUCCESS)
*This one was a lot harder than the “No Segway” one from a couple days ago. This one would be a “Tan Gent” Get it…because I was going off on a tangent? F*ck I’m clever. That’s why I’m so popular with the ladies and have so many awesome dates all of the time with supermodels and such.**
**The validity of these statements has not been verified by the FDA.