Here’s a bunch of food that I have been eating at work for the last couple weeks. I never said I was going to eat healthier as part of this stupid challenge, I guess this food all could have been hungry man meals and frozen pizzas. I thought that was kind of defeating the point though, so even though this is clearly not the healthiest food in the world, it’s a billion times better than what I was shoving down my gullet hole. Do you know what all of this food has in common, other than 90% of it tastes like shit?

It all contains enough carbohydrate content to fuel a Kenyan for 3 marathons*.

*It’s science.

Regardless of how many marathons of fuel it could provide a Kenyan, I can’t eat it for 13 or so days. I realized that when I went to grab my normal breakfast of a special K bar. There was not one damn thing in the office that didn’t have carbs in it. So I had to wait until after my mid-day basketball break to eat anything at all. That was not fun. I may or may not have cursed at a few customers. I don’t remember, my brain was running on nothing. I also noticed that at noon hoops, I gave less of an effort than Adam Sandler gives to make a movie these days.

adam sandler

Terrible

I ran to the store and stocked up very quickly with whatever I could find that said zero percent of daily value in the carb department. That’s what I’m using as the qualifier. If it says 1g of carbs, but 0% of the daily value, I’m allowing it. So these foods are all super duper low in carbohydrates, and I’ve never eaten any of them, until today:

No Carbs

Quick tangent: I am more than willing to take advice from people regarding my workout and diet strategies. I love listening to people that are in much better shape than me tell me what to eat and how to lift or run or whatever, that’s awesome and it really helps. However…

If you are fat, don’t tell me how I’m doing my body wrong by not eating organic.

If you smoke, don’t tell me that diet soda is worse for me than regular soda.

You don’t realize this, but when you say things like this around me, I physically cannot hear you due to the volume level of your stupid. Your stupid is so loud, that it confuses my brain and I want to shout at you and possibly physically assault you to stem the flow of absolute shit coming from your voice box.

Ok, that was negative. Let’s check out something funny together, shall we?:

Gets me every time

Today’s random act of kindness was me heading back to the animal shelter and volunteering to exercise the dogs in the 95 degree heat. I’ve already volunteered twice in the 30 days to fulfill that stipulation, so this is above and beyond that.  I’m counting it as a RAOK.

I also used that time to get my jog in, although with the heat, it was pretty tough to keep going for more than a minute at a time.  A ways back I posted a picture of the trek I take when I go from my house:

Here’s the layout of today’s jog:

I think it went rather well.

I got done at the shelter a little after 5. Then I did pushups at my parents’ house and let my dog out. Why? Some friends have decided to get together and see who out of all of us can do 100 pushups consecutively at the end of a 6 week training cycle.  Pride is on the line, also, money. I recorded my first effort. Thank Zeus I have 42 days to improve, because this is pretty pathetic. Do not watch this video if you are uncomfortable hearing me say “F*ck”. Also if you don’t like hearing a dude grunt and breathe heavily, this might not be for you either…

I’m sure I made those look harder than they were. Going from that sad effort to 100 should be a breeze, right?

So after the pushups I went to my house and cut the grass, then I loaded up my bike and the mower, drove over to drop the trailer and my car at work (I use the mower from work to cut my grass because it’s 1.5 acres and work has a Dixie Chopper) After dropping off the mower, I rode my bike back to my parents house for one amazing steak dinner. By steak dinner I mean I ate a steak.  Corn and potatoes were also served, I did not eat them. Who knew there was carbohydrates in corn? That’s bullshit.

After dinner I lifted weights for 30 minutes. Then I drove my mother’s car to my house and did my green blend. Now I’m back at my parents’ house for the night so I can ride my bike from here to work in the morning.

All of that could have been planned out better, but it wasn’t. I’m not perfect and you can’t juggle. I’m over it.

I realized that after work today I did more with my time than I’ve done in years.

I volunteered, mowed my lawn, rode my bike, lifted weights, did a green blend, talked with my parents, had dinner, played with my dog, played with my parents dog, read the paper, and wrote a blog for an hour and a half.

WTF did I used to do with my time!? Ohhhh that’s right: Porn, booze, and televsion, I almost forgot.

Tomorrow I have to Google more foods that I can eat that don’t have the C word in them. The good thing is I’m pretty sure Bacon doesn’t have carbs. Whew.

So that’s day seventeen, everything is SO MUCH F*CKING HARDER THAN IT WAS.

Recap:

  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
  2. Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS) Yeah, I’m surprised too.
  3. Go for a jog every morning. (SUCCESS) I’m counting the swim as I was too injured to jog.
  4. Do a “Green Blend” every morning. (I’ve missed ONE)
  5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS)
  6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS)
  7. No television other than the NBA Playoffs. (SUCCESS) Thunder/Heat…I’m taking the Thunder in 6 SHIT.
  8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
  9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. (SUCCESS) I hate this right now.
  10. No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
  11. Complete one project around the house every week. (3 of 4 SUCCESS)
  12. Volunteer two times somewhere. (2 of 2 SUCCESS)
  13. Read one book every week. (2 of 4 SUCCESS)
  14. Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
  15. Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
  16. Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS)
  17. No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS) I’m getting a manicure tomorrow. I’ma look gooooooood.
  18. Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
  19. Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
  20. Be on time to work everyday (SUCCESS)

NEW ONES!

  1. Weight lift everyday except Sundays (SUCCESS)
  2. Bike to work and back everyday that I go to work (SUCCESS)
  3. NO CARBS AT ALL UNTIL IT’S OVER (SUCCESS)
  4. Wake up before 7 instead of 8 everyday. (SUCCESS)
Comments
  1. tlruminski says:

    Dude, I seriously laugh out loud every night when I read this and share bits and pieces with Shawn. Please don’t end your blog at the end of this f’in hard month. You could fit it in right behind the porn every night!

  2. rmpanos says:

    You could eat nothing but meat and leafy greens as well as some other vegetables. Thats what I do. Even though i am not in the shape I need to be in yet and i havent cut out carbs completely. I eat ablot of food that is high in dietary fiber and a lot of whole grains which defeats your no carb structure but I can definitely tell a difference in your physique when we play ball that the things you have done in the past 16 days are paying off. Go get em Tiger!!!!

  3. Cottage Cheese and Greek Yogurt are awesome! Cheese sticks, bacon, you can microwave pepperoni for ~30 seconds to make meat chips. Those are my votes for snacks when you’re tired of gnawing on a steak every 10 minutes. My favorite part of your blog is when you realize that you are proud of yourself for doing well. Keep up the great work! (and you need to text me 881-8008)

    • 219 363 eight four zero five

      I texted you this morning! Cottage Cheese and Greek Yogurt both have carbs! This is ridiculously hard. But i love the idea of microwaving pepperoni! Awesome!

  4. awesome beth says:

    I can’t stop laughing at your push up clip! LOL! I miss you.

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