I have to admit, it’s much easier to get up at the ass crack of dawn everyday when you are not A: Hungover or B: Still drunk.

Actually, that holds true for pretty much everything. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s easier to do most things when you are not hungover or still drunk. I’m a rebel and I say what I want. Take that, society!

I’ve packed far too much into these last 20 days to be drunk anyway. I will say that I’m getting to the point where I’m meticulously planning July 3rd in my head. Here’s how I really would like it to go:

5:01pm – Drink an ice cold, tall Bud Light draught beer

5:02pm – Whatever.

As you can see, I’ve really thought it through.

On a side note, Word Press is red underlining “draught” like it’s misspelled. I knew Word Press was evil.

From 6:59 to 7:14 I laid in bed. While technically awake. I wasn’t really awake. The 3 different alarms I set kept going off and I kept snoozing them but not shutting them off for fear that I would immediately pass back out. When I finally hated myself enough to crawl out of bed, I tried to wake myself up with a green blend. Short of dumping it down my pants or on my head, that wasn’t going to work, however the noise of the blender helped a little.

I decided to try to see if I could read the rest of the novel I was trying to finish by today. I really do like reading books, I just get VERY easily distracted when I’m doing it. I shut my phone off, turned off my computer, and set an alarm for one hour. It actually worked. As soon as the alarm buzzed, I shut it off and continued reading. Two hours later and I was finished with the book. I Johnny Fived the shit out of that book.

I was probably faster

I set the book aside to remember to take it with me tomorrow to mail it to the author to get him to sign it (see June 23rd if you are lost as to why I would do that)

I decided to write him a nice letter telling him how much I enjoyed the book, the transcript which is boring and you probably shouldn’t read is below the picture:

Transcript:

Dear Larry,

We met on a Southwest Airlines flight last year. We were in the front row and if memory serves, you shared some cookies with me and the college kid sitting in the window seat. I told you I was going to buy your book and read it, then mail it to you for an autograph. Well it turns out I’m a very slow reader! I really enjoyed the book (when Jr. killed the guy that he and the hostage Sarah were robbing instead of just tying him up, I remember saying out loud “woah!”) I also thought they were going to find her not guilty!

So thanks for the great read. I’ve included a self addressed stamped envelope to send the book back to me. Hope all is well in Cook County!

Sincerely,

Ben Konowitz

P.S. I have the penmanship of a child, but I thought typing this would be impersonal. 🙂

I’m counting that as my RAOK for the day. If that sounds a little weak, it probably is, but this is still my thing, not your thing, so I’ll count whatever I want as my RAOK. Also, I didn’t tell you lovely people, but yesterday I gave a guy standing at the RedBox location a couple bucks to pay for his rentals. He really didn’t want to take the money, like I was going to punch him in the face as soon as he took it. I had to ask him to take it like three times, and then his wife/girlfriend/mistress yelled out from the SUV parked at the curb “Just take the money!” So he did. Thanks lady.

TANGENT TIME!

My dog got a haircut:

Larry!

He’s so damn handsome. When I went to pick him up from the groomer on Friday, I was still lightheaded from the no carbs plus giving blood plus exercising. I forgot this until tonight and it’s too good not to include. So I was right outside the grooming establishment and I held the door for a woman, she was probably in her early 50’s or so. I didn’t really look at her, I just held the door for her and said “Ma Lady”, hand gesture and all.

Yeahhhhh so it was a dude.

Long haired man, didn’t even look like a chick at all. He didn’t say one word. Not one. He just cleared his throat and walked inside. Problem was, I had to follow him inside and wait behind him to pick up Larry. Talk about f*cking awkward. It was dead silent in the groomer, just me and this dude, waiting together in silence for what seemed like the length of a whole catholic mass. So that was a thing that happened.

Moving on…

I had a basketball game tonight for a league I’m in and after it was over I didn’t feel like I was going to die. Progress? Maybe.

I had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings with my b.f.f. Tim. He had been drinking all day due to a White Sox game he went to with his pops. I was jealous of his tall Bud Light at dinner while I drank my ice cold water. This is the look he was getting for most of the meal:

Thank goodness he was drinking and didn’t notice.

I realize that it’s Sunday night and I already used my cheat meal for this week. I’m ok with it. I probably won’t be ok with it next weekend when I really want to eat out, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. And then I’ll eat it.

I’ve also been thinking ahead to July and what the next thing I want to attempt is. I know for a FACT that I’ll be taking the 3rd and 4th of July off. But starting July 5th I might have to try something else. Something not quite as involved. I’m getting more and more addicted to writing this stuff. I KNOW it’s more fun for me to write than it is for you to read. But thanks for reading anyway. If you like it, tell someone about it. If you really like it, comment on something! I miss Facebook so reading people’s comments is a great way to fill that void 🙂

So that’s day twenty one. I cannot wait to drink a beer.

Recap:

  1. Keeping a blog of my shenanigans and updating it daily. Duh. (SUCCESS)
  2. Waking up every day before 8am. This includes Saturdays and Sundays (SUCCESS) Yeah, I’m surprised too.
  3. Go for a jog every day. (SUCCESS) Bike ride!
  4. Do a “Green Blend” every day. (I’ve missed ONE)
  5. Do not cut my hair or shave for the month (this is one of my friends just being a dick). (SUCCESS) Growing it out for locksoflove.org!
  6. Use the term “ma lady” (including the hand gesture) once a day. (SUCCESS)
  7. No television! (SUCCESS)
  8. Nothing other than water to drink (INCLUDING no alcohol). (SUCCESS)
  9. Full abstinence including “self” pleasure. (SUCCESS)
  10. No logging onto Facebook. (SUCCESS)
  11. Complete one project around the house every week. (3 of 4 SUCCESS)
  12. Volunteer two times somewhere. (2 of 2 SUCCESS)
  13. Read one book every week. (3 of 4 SUCCESS)
  14. Say something positive into the mirror about myself every morning. (SUCCESS)
  15. Do one random act of kindness a every day. (SUCCESS)
  16. Do one workout besides the morning jog every day (SUCCESS)
  17. No biting the fingernails. (SUCCESS)
  18. Make every meal that I eat, with one “cheat” meal per week. (SUCCESS)
  19. Text msg 5 people every day and share a compliment/oddity/or fun fact. (SUCCESS)
  20. Be on time to work everyday (SUCCESS)

NEW ONES!

  1. Weight lift everyday except Sundays (SUCCESS) also acceptable is a pushup routine.
  2. Bike to work and back everyday that I go to work (SUCCESS)
  3. LOW CARB DIET UNTIL IT’S OVER (SUCCESS)
  4. Wake up before 7 instead of 8 everyday. (SUCCESS)
Comments
  1. abbyhacker says:

    I laughed out loud when you wrote about “ma lady-ing” that dude. HA!

  2. Robin Tetley says:

    Much better picture of Larry. He looks very dapper indeed.

  3. marianne says:

    I would like you to know that I have told 5…count it FIVE people about your blog (who now claim they are reading it!!)!! I would also like to say that my boss and I, after reading our after lunch emails, come and read your blog and LAUGH and talk shit, and discuss you, your AWESOME writing style, and how captivating and funny it is. Please don’t stop after July 3rd. PLEASE. I really feel like if the right girl stumbles upon this blog she will want to date you sooo hard then marry the shit out of you.
    sigh. team ben.

  4. Larry cracks me up, that’s a great picture! I’ve told a lot of people about your blog. I had to help my mom subscribe to it. You’re doing fun things here Ben, keep it up.

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