July 10th

Posted: July 10, 2012 in bucket list, Comedy, Diet, Inspiration, Motivation, vegan, Will Power
Tags: , , ,

It’s probably because we were suffering from severe boredom today that I thought up this joke, and that my fellow county fair booth workers found it funny. Either way, I made up a joke today and it stems from being vegan! Here it is, and it’s actually not even a dirty joke:


I realize my hair looks stupid and I’m not wearing a shirt, it’s hot in my house and vegans are naturally warm so I’ve been told.

Today was a little better because I ate Boca faux chicken patties this morning and that gave me a good base for the day. I also ate a peanut butter/banana/jelly sandwich at the fair, some popcorn, and a lot of blueberries. When I got home I ate this:

That would be another peanut butter and banana and jelly sandwich, as well as a fake bbq riblet sandwich. I miss cheese.

I literally go through three containers of Dean’s cottage cheese per week.

Dean’s cottage cheese is the only brand I eat. I don’t dare order cottage cheese at restaurants for fear it might not be Dean’s. I also don’t spoil my cottage cheese by putting a pineapple slice in it. That’s disgusting.

Much like I planned my July 3rd binge after abstaining from everything, I’m already planning my meal for Sunday at noon. I’m probably going to set my alarm for 11:30am on Sunday so I can simply wake, shower, kick the truck driver out of my bed, and hit up Buffalo Wild Wings at precisely 12:01pm. I might even try to take in some Dean’s cottage cheese in a little cooler. Actually, I AM going to do that. That sounds fantastic. I’ll just tell them I’m sick and it’s my medicine. (As I order a tall Bud Light)

Today I went and played noon hoops for the first time in a week, and I felt great running up and down the court, just a little rusty on the actual shooting of the basketball. PLUS, in between games there is a 12 minute break every once in a while so guess what I did? I hit the treadmill for a JOG. Six mph for a bit, then some walking, then more basketball. Actually felt really good.

I almost forgot! I drank the soy milk tonight.  I poured it in my cereal and I drank some of it from the carton. As long as it’s ice cold I can deal with it. It’s not terrible, but it’s very thick and just tastes weird because it’s white so my brain is expecting cow’s milk. Have you ever done that? Have you been drinking root beer or something and then filled the can with water and forgot that it was only water. Your brain reallllllllly screws with you on that kind of stuff.

Speaking of things screwing with you, I taught a small child a prank today at the fair. He was carrying around a water spray bottle for whatever reason and I taught him this:

Never gets old.

This vegan stuff IS getting old though, quick. I’m fast realizing this is harder than any one thing I did in June…even the abstinence. I can’t do peanut butter and jelly everyday all day, although I might be able to stomach it if I change up the jelly everyday. I’m the worst vegan ever, just missing the point completely.

Lastly, if you care to laugh at or with someone on a weight loss/health kick journey, but don’t like the fact that I have a penis, check out my good friend Deanna’s blog: Funnygirlweightloss. I laugh at something she posts pretty much everyday. She’s almost as funny as me. Almost.

I’m 3/7th of the way there…I’m going to lose my sanity completely tomorrow, I can just feel it coming on. On the plus side, I’ve realized that through writing this blog I’m making a few people laugh, and that is what I like more than anything. Well, besides crack cocaine.

I have a few really really fun things coming down the pipe after this week is over as far as willpower challenges. My friend Nick (who still doesn’t read this blog) sent me this article about not indulging and then being happy as a result. I’m going to abstain from certain things that I take for granted in order to realize how amazing they are when I get to have them again. It’s 1/2 willpower 1/2 pure joy when I get to have them again. It’s so on people, it’s SO on.

My Bucket List until December 31st 11:59pm of 2012 is as follows:

  1. Dunk a basketball.
  2. Raise 500 dollars of other people’s money for the LaPorte Small Animal Shelter (It’s easy to donate, harder to raise those funds).
  3. Go on a 4 day weekend getaway somewhere tropical by myself.
  4. Meet a famous person, people from reality TV don’t count.
  5. Become SCUBA certified.
  6. Attempt to break a Guinness World Record Most people in one place wearing sunglasses at night! 7/6/2012! Wrigley Field!
  7. Learn to play one entire song on an instrument.
  8.  Start a side business, or create some form of secondary revenue stream. *Your multi-level marketing pyramid scheme is not what I’m looking for, sorry*
  9.  Achieve one of the following: 1) Weigh 205 pounds. 2) Have under 10% body fat 3) Have noticeable abs
  10.  Bungee Jump (I’m 100% f*cking terrified of heights)
  11.  Learn to Juggle four beanbags at once.
  12.  Complete a sprint triathlon
  1. Jason Kukla says:

    I laughed at your joke and I actually woke up my wife to show her it. To tell the truth, I was drinking when I watched it, but it was quite funny.

  2. I’m here to tell you that I laughed so forcefully at your joke that I did one of those awkward snort sounds out of my throat. It hurt.

    P.S. “Almost.” Nice touch, Ben 😉 Thanks for the semi-forced-bribed shout out though. I appreciated it.

  3. Jeri says:

    Try rice milk! It’s stored warm(weird I know) but I’ve always like it better then soy and the vanilla is awesome!

  4. Luke Starkey says:

    I don’t know if you’re still reading books every week but here a couple that will help out a ton: Thrive Fitness by Brenden Brazier and Eat and Run by Scott Jurek. Brazier is an professional Ironman and Jurek is an ultra marathoner (look that up if you don’t know what it is!). By the way, they’re both vegans…they will help even when you start murdering animals again. A great book that helped swim better is called Total Immersion. YouTube it and get the book now, you can thank me later! 10 days and you’ll be Micheal Phelps!

  5. rmpanos says:

    Haha I laughed just as hard as I did at the fair. Good times Ben. Good times.

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