That would be soy-riso…if that’s how you spell it. It’s the soy version of Mexican sausage. Plus tofu, plus potato, plus vegan cheese, plus unicorn tears, and a pinch of God’s eyelash. I promise that if I ever have breakfast at Mucho Mas again, I will order this. It was simply great. I couldn’t even eat it all, that’s how filling it was. After I got done eating it, the papa Konowitz and myself tore down the fair booth that the fam business had up all week. I then realized I had T-minus 2 hours to meat eating time. I got excited. I called my cuz (cousin to people that don’t say YOLO everyday) to see if he wanted to snag some lunch at the Buffalo Wild Wings. He could have said no and I still would have gone. Thankfully I didn’t have to look like a sad, sad man eating a pile of meat alone. I knew that I had to play basketball at 7pm. It was 1pm when we sat down at the restaurant. That meant (in my head) that I could super indulge, and then be just fine to run around as fast as possible while trying to win at a sport.

So I ordered this:

That would be 8 boneless wings with ranch, wedges with cheese and Bacon, and a cheeseburger with pulled pork on top. Somewhere a PETA volunteer is weeping and throwing up at the same time. Which I consider a win.

When it was dropped off I immediately…

I scarfed it down pretty quickly, but it was f*cking more delicious than anything a vegan has eaten in their entire existence. Fact.

Here’s the realllllllllly scary part. I wasn’t full. I ate the whole thing. All of it. I drank the ranch cups. Ok, I didn’t drink the ranch cups, but still, I ate EVERYTHING there and I wasn’t full. This morning, the soy-riso scramble filled me up completely, and not 5 hours later something with 2000 MORE calories didn’t come close to making me feel as full. I’m thinking that I could have eaten another 1000 calories of crap and then possibly felt full-ish.

Does this mean that I’m going back to my vegan ways?

In case you are terrible at telling what Dawson is saying. That’s a no.

I still LOVE meat and dairy and I’m 100% unconvinced it’s going to kill me, although I had a good scare yesterday with the documentary “Forks Over Knives”.

On top of not really feeling full, I ALSO got home and immediately walked into my room, took off clothes, crawled into bed, and went to sleep for 2 hours. Directly before I fell asleep, I’m pretty sure I was in a meat-food coma of some sort because I caught this video of myself:


Towards the end I really started sounding like Jim Gaffigan…hmmm

Anyway. Not only did I feel like poopy then, I also played the worst game of basketball I might have ever played. So the conclusion to draw from this is that going back to meat after a week of vegan eating was a horrible decision and obviously meat is the cause of everyone in the world’s problems.


I ate a bunch of shitty food and I felt like shit.

I’m going with door number two. If I would have eaten two scrambled eggs, a boneless, skinless chicken breast, and a yogurt, I probably would have felt pretty amazing. Of course I overdid it. Why wouldn’t I?

Also tonight I had Buffalo Wild Wings AFTER my shitty basketball game AND a few beers. Did I fall completely off the wagon? No. Do I like to eat? Yes. Is it still really f*cking annoying when people talk/type like this? YES.

I’m back on it tomorrow. My buddy Justin and I are starting the vertical leap workout that’s going to allow me to dunk a basketball by December 31st. P.S. I’m still doing pushups every other day (I think I’m up to about 50 in a row).

I’m also unveiling my idea for a secondary revenue stream aka I’m starting my own business. I bought the website today and it’s absolutely nothing right now, but I’m going to work on it tomorrow before I let all of you fine folks in on it. Tomorrow’s post will probably be mainly about that.

Lastly, I do realize that I did not actually cook the vegan mushroom/pepper/crap tostatas that Luke mentioned. The fair really kept me away from my house/kitchen for the majority of the week. While I think it was much more of a will power test to not eat the county fair food than I originally thought it was going to be, I also realize that being vegan should have included a LOT more cooking vegan for myself, so I’m going to try another week in the near future of no restaurant vegan eating. That way I’ll be forced to fend for myself and hunt wild tofu. That’s a thing, right?

FYI, I weighed myself three times a day the first day and the last day of the vegan week.  I averaged them and did the math (which took me about 4 hours) and I came up with 3.6 pounds of weight loss this week, even though I ate tons of peanut butter/jelly/banana sandwiches and upwards of 4 meals that contained a burrito. Not too shabby.

Back to updating the bucket list blog tomorrow, I have big things planned.


  1. Jim Gaffigan is hilarious and so are you. “you get your own ketchup packet bonus fry”

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