September 7th – September 16th

Posted: September 16, 2012 in bucket list, Comedy, Diet, exercise, Inspiration, Motivation, vegan, weight loss, Will Power

Many of you have been wondering what I’ve been up to…well…I’ve been watching this video for ten days straight:

It’s taken over my life. Evidently Gangnam Style is like South Korean Swag. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s 50 trillion times better than “YOLO”.

On the way to this post here are a few things of interest that have happened*.

*Interesting to me, not to you. Who do you think you are? Trying to big boy me on my own blog? Pshhh.

First things first. After all was said and done, as far as the donations for Sam and Kelly’s chidrins…drumroll please….

Seven Hundred and Forty Dollars.

That’s from the videos, the date auction, the random people sending me money in the mail, and Lisa being a badass and donating all of her tips from waiting tables one night. Only two people didn’t pay for their video/request. I covered that 40 bucks because I’m a trusting soul, and I think Ryan and Sarah are good for it…hint hint wink wink nudge hint nudge wink punchinthearm

So after trying to take care of that bidniss and working 60 hours a week…the weight came on in piles….then after the first week concentrating on yours truly…

“OWWWWW” said the talking scale

If you can’t read that it says 259.6

That was a good first week. I’m also following along with the following weight lifting program that is probably of no interest to you but once again..

I substitute things as needed. If I tried to do 50 pullups it would take me 5 hours, but here’s the overall parameters of what I’m trying to do daily, click on them to make them bigger so you can actually read them.

So besides flailing around on the weight benches like a fish trying to get off the hook and back into the water…I’m also running.

I broke 10 minutes in running a mile. You might say to yourself, “Hey I’m kind of a dick, 10 minutes doesn’t sound like a very good time for running a mile.” I submit as excuse exhibit A…the following picture:

That would be 20 1/2 inch calves…I’m absolutely not built for running. I guess that’s why I got in bar fights back in college (and for a few years after). Too stupid to talk my way out of it and Jeebus knows I wasn’t about to outrun anyone. The point here is that when I started it took me like fourteen minutes to complete ONE mile. Friday morning I hit 9:58. It feels good.

I in no way shape or form FEEL like I’ve lost weight or gained muscle. I’m going to stick with it though. My social life has taken a nose dive, with the whole 9pm bedtime and 5am rise. I don’t really care. I’m having an enormous Halloween Party that you are all invited to…I’ll socialize then!

So now I weigh around 254…I’m down 10 pounds through 16 days. I hope to double that be the end of the month…but for now…

I took this weekend off from running and lifting. I ate Jimmy Johns and Bdubs. It was my reward. It was delicious. My friend who works at the JJ’s even tried to help me out:

I still ate it.

I know that shit food is just as addictive as any other vice. There is a really troubling sentiment when it comes to food that is shitty for you. Take this extreme example for..umm…example:

Someone quits smoking, and their wife or husband says “well yeah, but you can have one every once in a while, as a reward for quitting!”

Drug counselor: “Well here’s your 18 month sobriety chip, now go out tonight and do some heroin to celebrate, just don’t overdo it, and we’ll see you Monday.”

For whatever reason, nutritionists and doctors say, “you’ve earned a cheat meal, go out and eat whatever you like.”

Here’s the thought process, as best as I can figure. Humans don’t have the will power to stop eating shitty food forever, so you have to let them eat shitty food here and there and then, overall, they’ll be healthier.

I don’t know how many times I was doing really well on a new nutrition plan, and the cheat day/meal/weekend completely threw me off and I went right back to eating shitty food whenever I wanted.

It makes as much sense as thinking that humans don’t have the will power to stop doing heroin, so you have to let them do heroin here and there and then, overall, they’ll be healthier.

If the thought is that “Hey, you can never have this drug again ever if you want to live a healthy lifestyle.” Why isn’t it “Hey, you can never have shitty food again ever if you want to live a healthy lifestyle.”

They way I see it you are probably either person…

A: who has their shit in check, goes to the gym semi-religiously, eats pretty healthy all the time with the random “binge” that is still 10 times time healthier than a fat dude’s binge.

B: who yo-yo’s all the time, goes on some sort of diet and exercise program, does pretty well, then forgets to go to the gym, forgets to pack their lunch that day, forgets to make themselves the first priority, and unravels and turns back into pudding, until the next “wake up call” and swears “this time I’m serious”

C: who doesn’t even think about being in shape, and eats whatever they want, and is fat, or skinny fat…you know, that thing where you eat whatever you want because you have a decent metabolism or whatever but you still look like you are sickly and or undefined.

I happen to be person B. I’ve done it ever since my first gut back in 2001. I do really well for a while and then fall off…do really well for a while…and then fall off…I think a LOT of us are person B.

The point here is that I think I have to treat food and not exercising like f*cking heroin. You just can’t miss a workout, you can’t miss a healthy meal, you can’t eat a shitty meal.

I’m not quite there yet. I still really love that Bdubs and Jimmy Johns here and there ya know? I think I’m really close to cutting it out completely though. I want to see how the rest of the month ends up, and then I’ll make a decision about October. Overall I think shit is going pretty well…I’m on my way to abs…

It’s easy when your fridge looks like this:

Lastly tonight, I wanted to point out that I think I’m a little bitch. I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done that I want to get done. I’m sure many of you feel that way too. I read this article the other day on It’s about successful people and their work ethic. The one thing you need to understand before you read it is that after you read it, you are going to immediately make an excuse. You’re going to say, yeah but what about their social life, or their families, or their hobbies, or their mental state, or their…or their…

That’s not the point of the article. The point of the article is that if you want to be successful, you have to sacrifice. Sacrifice means something different to everyone. How many aspects of your life are you willing to give up to make the other aspects amazing?

You’ll read about the CEO of GE that was famous for working 100 hour weeks for 20+ years. How well do you think his kids know him? How good is his golf game? How many movies has he seen? Inconsequential. The man is a multi-millionaire. That’s obviously what he wanted. So he sacrificed everything else.

If you want to spend time with your kids 100 hours a week and make sure they are well adjusted, amazing people, how much time can you devote to your career?  You will be successful…at raising a family, but no one would confuse you for being successful in business. You can be successful at whatever you want. It’s all a balance. This month, my social life has taken a nose dive, but my career, and my personal health are through the roof. Maybe once I get some abs I’ll have some model hot chick willing to stay in with me on a Friday night because I have to work Saturday and possibly Sunday. Time will tell.

Here’s that article:

Good to be back.

I hope you’ve all been well.

  1. It’s good to see you back, Ben! I’m glad things have been going well with work and your health. Keep it up!

  2. Abby Hacker says:

    Dang. I’m “c” Skinny fat. Why you callin me out like that?!?!

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