Wrong Jim Carrey movie.
Here we go:
That’s me: Liar. Rapscallion. Ne’er Do Well. Roguishly handsome con man. Or something like that. What I’m trying to say is that I believe it was me that said, “I’m going to post every night in October”
That has not happened. I’m really glad you forgave me though. Thank you.
My assumption of your forgiveness reminds me of a story from back in the Californian days, a story about assumption:
It was 2am. I was a little intoxicated. I was on the curb in some neighborhood in San Diego and I needed a ride home. I called my best buddy John Blackburn to come get me. The two things we talked about were where I was and how long it would be before he got there, that’s it.
When I got in the car I said three things right away:
1. “I’m so glad you answered your phone.”
2. “I’m so glad you came to get me.”
3. “I’m so glad we are stopping for food on the way home.”
He never agreed to number 3 on the phone, I just assumed he would if I said it like that. Reading that now, the story is not that funny and definitely falls under the category of “you had to be there”. Still, assuming things is awesome, you should try it.
P.S. We stopped for food on the way home. That’s more about him being a great friend and less about my assuming working 100% of the time.
Don’t believe that if you assume it makes an ASSofUandME. That saying is for the birds.
SO…how’ve you been? I’ve been awesome. Seriously. Awesome. The fambiz is going strong and I really think I don’t suck at it too bad. I’m getting better anyway. As far as the hours go, it’s pretty brutal these days. I’m to the point that if I clock out at 5pm, or don’t go in for a 1/2 day on a weekend day, I feel guilty. That’s how used to 11 and 12 hour days I am, which is strange. It’s a weird feeling working for/with the parents. You feel guilty if you leave early, but you feel guilty if you stay late, because you’re just costing them money paying you for more hours worked. It’s the Jewish last name and that damn Catholic upbringing:
As far as the monthly challenges, I can say that I can almost juggle four bean bags at once. It’s pretty sweet.
Also the trumpet playing isn’t getting worse, so that’s good.
The diet. Holy shit, the diet. That mothaf*ucka went straight out the window again. Seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong with my head/mind/brain.
I’ve come to realize my hypothesis is 100% correct. Shit food is an addiction like nicotine, heroin, booze, gambling, or anything else. I’m addicted to shit food. Shit food is easy to eat, readily available, cheap, and DELICIOUS.
Remember September when I dropped pounds? Now I’ve added them back. It’s simple math. Calories in and calories out. I’m f*cking terrible at it.
I’m not giving up on that goal though. After all, this IS a willpower blog right? I need to remember what things have gone well and use them as a springboard for things that are yet to come.
I quit chewing tobacco after 10 years of doing it.
I haven’t had a chew in 10 and 1/2 months. I’m proud of that. 10 year habits aren’t easy to kick.
I’m crushing a bucket list that I thought would almost be impossible to do.
I’ve knocked quite a few things off and after this month I’ll have only a few left.
SO. Since the diet thing is the thing that is the hardest for me. I think I’m just going to commit to listing every single thing that I put in my body until November 1st. This whole blog was started so I could be held accountable right? I obviously haven’t been holding myself accountable. Bullshit. What a douche. Someone throw a rock at me.
I will be blogging every night from now until November 1st. I have to. It keeps me in check. I’m a little disappointed in me, but the good news is that there really is no finish line, and this could be the start of something f’ing badass. RIGHT? RIGHT!
Glad we’re all on the same page.
Now that that’s out of the way, here are a few things that have happened over the past week that I thought were worth sharing.
First, tonight I played in a charity basketball game that raised money for teachers so they can spend money on things for their classes they normally couldn’t afford.
The teams were made up of a Harlem Globetrotter-like squad, who were all super duper good at dunking, and us. “Us” would be a bunch of teachers, and other people who were sponsored to play in the game. LaPorte greats Nick Otis and Ben Tonagel were on the team, as well as Kyle Antos and myself, who, while not “greats”, could be labeled as “decent players once upon a time”.
I played the 3rd quarter for about 4 minutes as there were probably 25 people on our team and we all played a little bit here and there so everyone got an opportunity to shine. I will say that in my 4 minutes, I actually did pretty well. I made a ridiculous layup that I had no business making, and a jumpshot from possibly 10 feet behind the three point line went in for me as well. I even had a behind the back pass that actually made it to the guy I was attempting to pass it to!
I finished the game 2-2. I was pretty pleased considering I’m a fat white guy with limited ability.
I’ll say this:
When I stepped onto that court, the court I played so many hours on as a teenager, it was amazing. The faint, drifting smell of popcorn, the crowd cheering, and my parents in the stands, I felt overjoyed.
It was a great opportunity to raise money for a good cause while getting dunked on by a 6-9 black man and company.
I’ll post some photos of that tomorrow.
What I DO have photos of is my Saturday night. I went haunted house-ing with some friends and it was insanely fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a really long time, and like I said that night, it’s not because I don’t laugh. I laugh ALL the time. I just haven’t laughed THAT much in a really long time, my damn cheeks hurt from laughing. I blame Erin:
If you are wondering why Erin has three plastic pumpkins filled with candy and also looks like she is crying, it’s a simple answer. She’s crying because there isn’t a fourth bucket filled with candy.
We drove from Michigan City to Three Oaks, MI, to Valpo, and back to MC. There was plenty of time for Erin’s husband Cary and I to sing the most righteous version of Aaliyah-“Are you that somebody” the world has ever seen. Cary didn’t know there was a baby in the background of that song. I changed his life.
While I didn’t pee myself like I thought I would, here’s a picture of me after the first haunted house:
So we go to the second haunted house, and we’ll now do the thing where I talk into the camera because this is FAR too much to type:
If you watched that entire video, just tell me you love me now, because clearly that’s the only reason you watched it all.
I love you too 😉
I wear my t-shirts from thechive.com every time I go out. I love that website, I love what they are all about, I love that community of people, I love everything about thechive.com
If you haven’t been there, just go. You’ll love it. It’s perfect.
I go to a lot of “stupid funny pictures” websites, but the chive is the only one that is completely different than the rest. You’ll see.
Anyway, the saving grace at the second haunted house, was that the guy that was dressed up like Leatherface comes over to me and goes, “F*CKING BILL MURRAY”
which is the name of the shirt I was wearing from thechive. It’s literally called “The Fucking Bill Murray”
He made me pose for a picture. The guy working at the haunted house that was being asked to pose for all of these pictures as he walked around, made ME pose for a picture. It was great. Cary took the pictures because my phone sucks elephant penis and the battery was dying. Thank you Cary: