November 21st to December 3rd

Posted: December 3, 2012 in bucket list, Comedy, Diet, exercise, Inspiration, Motivation, T-shirt company, Uncategorized, vegan, weight loss, Will Power

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted, I have a very scattered idea of what I want this post to look like, so don’t give me any lip and just try to follow along the best you can. Boobs.

If you just don’t give two royal shits about this post and you only want to see what the shit I’m doing this month, scroll down until you see one big red ass.

If you want to be cool and skim what you can….here you go….

cal

That’s how I feel after compiling this months list. I went a little overboard. Oh well. It’s fun to watch people try to do stupid things right? I also feel like it’s needed. November started off really well and then just got out of hand.

It’s not good when you feel the need to tell the guy behind the liquor store counter that you won’t be seeing him for a while. The fact that you two are on conversational terms at all should be a big red flag. Shit, I’m drinking a beer right now writing this post.

Side note:

I had an uncle. His name was Jerry. He was a bad ass. He liked three things: having change in his pocket, a hot girl on his arm and a beer in his hand. He was really well liked by pretty much everyone. Not a damn bad way to live your life.

He died at 59 because he REALLY liked that beer in his hand and also smoking all of the cigarettes possible and then not going to the doctor. I think it’s possible to amend the lifestyle slightly so that I make it to 79 rather than 59.

So I’m glad to jump back into a challenge with both feet, and just get after it again. So instead of being positive or negative about what I have and have not been doing, I thought I’d just take a recap of January 2012 to now and see what I’ve messed up on and what I’ve  gone and done good at. Here is what that looks like:

On the not so awesome side:

I’m still a no cover model. (wait, is there like a plus size Playgirl out there?)

I’ve not had a real test since September as far as really challenging the will power.

The 100 day challenge was an utter failure.

There are EIGHT things on the bucket list left undone right now.

I hugged your mom inappropriately.

On the plus side:

Had my last dip of chewing tobacco on Jan 1st, 2012. After 10 years of doing it, I’m glad that one stuck.

Raised 800 bucks for charity.

danielle_stripper_fantasy-10

Just kidding, actual charity.

Met a celebrity, broke a world record, and completed a triathlon (3 more things off the bucket list)

I survived June and all of it’s willpower challenges.

My hair is still growing for locks of love. (I look very homeless)

So there we go, a short recap that I’m sure doesn’t really capture everything that I’m doing, or was trying to do, or was good/bad at, but you get the point.

I’m definitely better off than I was Jan 1st. of 2102. That’s the takeaway so far. I’m glad I’ve been doing this stuff over the past year. I’ve enjoyed writing it and I’ve heard from a few of you that it’s been funny and/or interesting to see the challenges and whatnot.

So the bucket list looks like this right now:

My Bucket List until December 31st 11:59pm of 2012 is as follows:

  1. Dunk a basketball. 
  2. Raise 500 dollars of other people’s money for the LaPorte Small Animal Shelter (It’s easy to donate, harder to raise those funds).
  3. Go on a 4 day weekend getaway somewhere tropical by myself.
  4. Meet a famous person, people from reality TV don’t count. Also I have to shake their hand in order for it to count.
  5. Become SCUBA certified.
  6. Attempt to break a Guinness World Record Most people in one place wearing sunglasses at night! 7/6/2012! Wrigley Field!
  7. Learn to play one entire song on an instrument.
  8.  Start a side business, or create some form of secondary revenue stream. *Your multi-level marketing pyramid scheme is not what I’m looking for, sorry*
  9.  Achieve one of the following: 1) Weigh 205 pounds. 2) Have under 10% body fat 3) Have noticeable abs
  10.  Bungee Jump (I’m 100% f*cking terrified of heights)
  11.  Learn to Juggle four beanbags at once.
  12.  Complete a sprint triathlon LaPorte YMCA Sprint Triathlon Saturday, August 4th Two Hours and Twenty Minutes

Number 8 is a pipedream. I really thought that I could start http://www.bullshirter.com, I really did. That was before I took over estimation duties at the fambiz. If I can point to one thing that really really really really really really kinda derailed the good wave I was riding into August/September…it was definitely the uptick in hours at work. I don’t hate it at all. I’m 100% glad it happened. It just makes it a little hard to focus on anything else when things like that crop up. It’s not just the hours at work, but the hours you spend thinking about how to make it better/faster/more efficient/more profitable/easier on the employees/easier on the parents/easier on myself. When I had a job that I clocked out of, I f*cking CLOCKED OUT. No thought of that stuff until the next day. That is just not how it is anymore. Have you ever Googled various types of drip edge/roof apron and how/why they would be used? When you were at home, on a Sunday, not at work? Yeah, neither had I.

Numbers 9 and 1 are not happening either, I’m like the human version of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. December will really help with that though. I really am ending on a high note, you’ll see.

5/7/11 are still in the works.

The tropical vacation is happening in January simply because that’s when it’s happening, I didn’t really have time this year, but I cannot wait. I’m going to see friends in Florida and then stay at a resort by my lonesome and just DRINK IT IN. I’ve been socking money away all year. It’s gonna be big. #moneyididn’tspendonhavingagirlfriendorkids ……YAY Twitter! @Benkonowitz

#tangent

So I was seeing/talking to a nice young lady for a few weeks, and I thought it was going pretty well, but that whole ‘hanging out with the ex-boyfriend thing because I’m just not over him’ thing kind of got in the way. So I called her and ended our “talking”. No hard feelings, nothing like that at all. I just realized that maybe I do like the idea of “dating someone”. It was pretty sweet kind of looking forward to taking someone to dinner, opening doors and blah blah blah. Just boyfriend stuff that I haven’t done in years. So in 2013 I think I’m going to take applications for a girlfriend. Line forms to the left ladies, and remember, I look like this:

#supertangent!

I always say that my general level of happiness is like 9.2/10. Dating that girl for a bit took me up to like 9.25/10. But now that we aren’t talking anymore I was at like a 9.0/10 for like a day.

I always said that risking a happiness level of 9.2 to fall in “love” and hit a 9.8 just to break up and hit a 5.4 for nine months is just shitty odds and that I would never do it.

boooottty

BUT

Point of fact, I kind of like the 9.25 feeling, and I’d like to meet my 9.8 someday.

#ratios

Anyway, let’s get down to brass tacks. The heart of the matter. The be all end all. The reason we all showed up drunk and naked:

WHAT THE SHIT IS KONOWITZ DOING THIS MONTH TO MAKE MY WIFE NOT BE TOO PISSED ABOUT GETTING UP WITH THE BABY AT 2AM!?

want

Ok ok ok ok ok ok

Here’s the December that I will conquer. June on Steroids – December 4th through January 5th, you’ve seen most of these before:

  1. I will keep a blog of my activities everyday.
  2. I will go for a jog of at least one mile, every morning.
  3. I will drink only water.
  4. I will only eat things that myself or my family has prepared.
  5. I will not eat BACON.
  6. I will exercise twice a day BESIDES THE JOG (each session will need to be at least 30 minutes to count)
  7. I will not ingest caffeine.
  8. I will abstain from sex/self-love/prostitutes/your mom (that last one’s gonna be tough).
  9. I will perform one random act of kindness every day.
  10. I will wake up at 5am everyday.
  11. I will not watch any form of television/film (tv/movies/netflix) The only exception being one viewing of “A Christmas Story” while I stay the night at my parents’ house, and one movie in the theatre on Christmas with my family because that’s tradition and screw you this is my thing. #nowife
  12. I will not log into Facebook after Dec 4th.
  13. I will complete one project around the house per week.
  14. I will give thanks for something in my life every morning and record it on the blog every night.
  15. I will read one book every week.
  16. I will not bite my fingernails.
  17. I will not use my cell phone after Dec. 4th.
  18. I will not visit any websites other than wordpress, thechive.com,  and google images to give me funny pictures for my blog. (Also Travel websites are allowed for #22)
  19. I will do whatever I need to do to squat 250 pounds.
  20. I will spend the necessary time playing the trumpet to learn one entire song.
  21. I will spend the necessary time juggling 4 bean bags to learn to juggle four bean bags.
  22. I will finalize my plans to go to Florida in 2013.
  23. I won’t say a swear word, not one.
  24. Pooping from a swingset is not going to happen,

    Marianne, but I will motorboat you before I die. FACT.

I will explain things as I don’t do/do them.

For now…I’m like 25 for 25.

Pshhh..This is so easy!

Wait, there’s something after tonight?

SHIT.

Seriously though, if you want to say something to me between now and Jan 5th…….Facebook me until tomorrow at midnight.

Thanks. I was originally going to get a land line. Then I thought, F*ck a land line, if you want to contact me, you’ll find a way.

I’ll respond to you all in a month!

Love,

Ben

Comments
  1. Boobs says:

    Here’s a little help for #7 on your bucket list: A kazoo is a musical instrument. I’d like a full rendition of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”

  2. Sooooooo excited!!! I can’t wait for the squat progress! Also, if you do this again in a few months, you should hand challenges back to the people that suggest challenges! Of course, you’ll probably get fewer submissions.

  3. Dianne says:

    GO BEN GO!

  4. janet nevills says:

    NO BACON!! Good for you Ben!!!

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