March 7th

Posted: March 7, 2013 in Comedy, Diet, exercise, Inspiration, Motivation, weight loss, Will Power

I thought today was going to be a better day. I woke up to no alarm clock, felt only a little tired, had only a slight headache, and saw this on Yahoo:

Screen Shot 2013-03-07 at 8.01.40 PM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He just up and exploded! Thanks, Yahoo breaking news!

Then I came out of my half asleep daze and realized that Chris Brown hadn’t exploded at all, my head was pounding, my throat still hurts, I feel like poopy.

Then, about 3pm my ankle starts REALLY hurting for no reason. I thought back to the last time I had an attack of the gout. It’s been a while. It’s now almost 8 hours later and my ankle feels no better but no worse.

So currently I’m starting to think that I’m being paid back for just being a REAL dick to someone.

Jenny from high school. I’m sorry.

Jenny was into black magic and the dark arts, or maybe she was the black girl in art class? Shit, this is probably why I’m being paid back in gout flare ups and strep throat.

Either way I’m HURTING.

I’m going to blame the sequester, thanks Obama.

I took some Benadryl, Tylenol, and Penicillin. My brain is currently drowning in pudding.

I’ve been watching Netflix between sleeping periods today. Little known fact, The Sleeping Period is what I used to call math class in high school, and my girlfriend in college. I’m a good person.

I take my health for granted. Most of us do. I was thinking earlier that when you see people in their teens, 20’s and 30’s that are big fat people that also give you attitude like, “Just because I’m not a size zero doesn’t mean I’m not healthy, I’m proud of my body!” Just totally this anti-bullying, pro-everyone’s-a-winner mentality that allows excuses for every behavior that 30 years ago would have gotten you RIPPED apart in my grade school.

The reason you think you are healthy is because your body hasn’t started to aggressively try to hurt you for your poor life choices yet.

Show me that morbidly obese 65 year old that yells, “Woooo, I regret nothing, I AM healthy!” Does. Not. Exist.

I’m 31 and I am currently being punished for my misdeeds of Taco Bellian proportions. I realize that sentence makes as much sense as making the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs, just gimme a break, I’m sick. (3 nerdiest followers of my blog, that was for you. I’d tell you to high five your buddy, but let’s be honest, you’re alone right now.)

I’m glad I’m trying to get into better shape and take care of myself just a little bit better, because this “sick” stuff is some bullshit.

I’m going to try to get some sleep now.

Despite paying for my sins through acidic crystals in my ankle while nursing a throat that looks like I just starred in my first gay elephant porn, I feel pretty good about everything.

Actually looking forward to getting back to being not sick so I can move on to being not unhealthy.

Have a great night everyone!

 

 

 

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