September 1

Posted: September 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

BADJOKEMEME

This is how I feel every time I tell a joke on stage that I personally feel should have got a better reaction. Especially if there is some sort of wordplay involved. Adding to the confusion, I have a one liner that gets a good reaction 90% of the time, so I know it’s at least not a bad joke. I remember telling it to an audience over in South Bend that was made up of quite a few people that I would consider to be pretty stupid. The joke bombed.

In that same vein, I’ve been posting jokes to Twitter and Facebook everyday as part of this willpower month thingy. Normally if I think of something that I think is clever, I’ll share it. Making sure to get out at least one written one liner a day isn’t terribly hard, but it’s completely different than thinking of something funny and then writing it out. Now the thought has become, I have to write it out, what’s something funny to say? I sit there and construct/rework/rewrite each one for a few minutes before I post it, and it does take a little time…BUT…I really look forward to doing it a few times a day because it’s really the only break I get from work. Also, it’s so completely different than my thought process is for work, it’s a nice little mini mental break.

I have some comedian friends that make crafting one liners look it easy. Brett Terhune (@BrentTerhune) is a guy I met at the Limestone Comedy Festival in Bloomington. He writes for Bob and Tom, and he is constantly throwing out one liners. It’s really impressive.

Keeping it to under 140 characters is also a big challenge because sometimes if you could just add another few words you could really get the wording the way you want but Twitter is just all

This_has_to_stop

So here are today’s Twitter jokes:

Screen Shot 2013-09-01 at 10.12.43 PM

Screen Shot 2013-09-01 at 10.13.13 PM

The belabor joke went over a LOT of heads. Which is disappointing because that’s one that I thought was pretty clever. SEE TO BELABOR SOMETHING MEANS TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AKA BELABOR THE POINT BEAT A DEAD HORSE REPEAT YOURSELF A LOT AND SINCE IT’S LABOR DAY I MADE A PLAY ON WORDS ABOUT CELEBRATING A MADE UP DAY CALLED BELABOR DAY…GET IT??? Whatever, I’m not even mad.

zach-galifianakis-is-about-to-cry

Or maybe it’s just a stupid joke.

In leiu of a transition, please accept this picture of Bart Simpson if he were a real person:

bart

My talk with my friend Teresa got me thinking about the food that I’m eating the month. Sure I’m not eating shit delivery food or anything like that, but really, it should be even better than that. As long as I buy it from the grocery store and make it at home, I’m eating it. That’s a good start, but we talked about the “less ingredients the better” philosophy, which I’m pretty sure I talked about with Erin and Cary about too…but I might have been drunk. Either way, when I went to the grocery store tonight, I took note. Two packages of cheese:

20130901_204600

shut up about my ugly thumb

14 or 15 ingredients on the bottom in Kraft Singles, 6 ingredients in the “natural” cheese.

Next up:

20130901_205054

20130901_205045

So I think for the rest of this willpower month I’ll be going with things that have less ingredients. I guess the good news is I can eat all the steak I want. Because steak has one ingredient….STEAK!

Here’s what my dinner looked like:

20130901_210450

It’s not fresh baked bread and it’s not deli sliced beef, but for 9pm on a Sunday in LaPorte…it’s not horrible.

While I was scrolling through my phone to get those pictures, I came across a few more that I forgot about. The first one is from work, signifying that we are bad asses.

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The other one is from my last night before I gave up beer for the month…I think it was trying to tell me something:

20130827_191112

DO YOU SEE THE DEMON IN THE FOAM!?

Ok let’s get to the list:

1. Blog about it daily. DONE!

2. 1600 Calories a day. DONE!

3. Only meals that have been cooked by someone not paid to cook. So like mom’s dinner yes, delivery pizza no. DONE!

4. Read 4 books. (I’m open to suggestions!) 2/3 the way through my first book: Delivering Happiness by the CEO of Zappos.com

5. Work out once a day for more than 30 minutes. (this is going to be lenient, like walking is acceptable) DONE! WALKING IS MY SUPERPOWER

6. Tweet one joke a day (I will be posting this one to Twitter @kenbonowitz) DONE!

7. Drink only water. DONE!

8. 100% Abstinence (yes, that means no flogging the pope, or whatever awesome euphemism you use) DONE!

9. Do one RAOK a day! (this will probably be pretty lenient as well, but we’ll see) DONE!

Today’s RAOK:

I went to my parent’s house for a BBQ today and as I was leaving I swung into work for another few hours, this time to finish some stuff I had to do, but I also took some stuff off my dad’s plate and finished it up for him. Weak RAOK I know, I’ll do better tomorrow.

10. Surprise someone everyday. (probably my favorite submission out of all of them) DONE!

I feel like a dick for this one, but I was at the grocery store and someone wasn’t looking and we were walking kind of close together and they were getting into my “lane” so to speak…I could have just been like, “ohhhh” in a soft voice and they would have corrected their path…instead I absolutely thought of this as an opportunity to surprise someone so I went “AYYYYY” pretty loudly…she was surprised.

11. Learn to juggle 4 things. YOU KNOW WHY – NOT DONE

12. Learn a song on the trumpet. YOU KNOW WHY AGAIN – NOT DONE

13. Spend zero dollars. DONE!

14. Look like fat Thor (DONE!)

15. No texting. I will be available to call or Skype or email. But I won’t be texting. (I AM however SNAPCHATTING BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME) If you don’t have Snapchat…you are missing out on stuff like this:

Hair like a champ!

Hair like a champ!!!

Also check out this photo I found from my X-mas card photo shoot:

IMG_1044

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