September 7th

Posted: September 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

Here’s a stupid thing I’m going to do. It’s called sad story/happy story. I’m going to post something sad and then make up for it with something not sad. Ready, GO:

My friend Jen put this as her Facebook status tonight:

Right outside my parents house today I found a car still running. Much to my horror there was a young girl inside unconscious with a syringe in one hand and a band wrapped tight on her other arm. Apparently her plan was to keep driving after stopping for a fix. Driving down a road that my kids ride bikes on and we walk our dog. Hold your kids tighter tonight and teach them to be strong.

That shit is terrifying. While I think community action programs combined with education of our youngest citizens and some boots on the ground policing is a great idea…part of me thinks I should just treat it like the zombie apocalypse:

bigzombiehouse

Ok so that was the sad story about my amazing (and I mean that) home town and the shitty heroin problem we have here. People have said, well yeah, but there’s heroin problems all over. That’s fine, but I don’t live all over. I live here. Let’s worry about here. Let’s worry about here, now.

Here’s a better story:

When I was a kid my parents gave me a quiz book to write in and one question was “What’s your pet peeve”. I wrote, “my dog”. My mom read my answer and said it was very cute that I wrote that. I said “Why? That dog is SO damn annoying.”

Get it? Get it?

Ok I didn’t say that last part, but I did write down “Mickey”, which was my dogs name. Sorry for not knowing what a pet peeve was at 6, Kid’s Fun Book.

Jerks.

So today. Today was great. Worked for a few hours this morning, went down to see some of my favorite people, Jonah and Erin at the roofsit for the deserving children’s christmas shopping tour. Basically they raise money by doing a roofsit and then they spend that money on kids at Christmas. Volunteers take them shopping and they get 100 bucks to spend on clothes and shoes and coats and hats and such. It’s a great program and I think I’ve volunteered to take a kid shopping 4 years in a row now? I don’t know. I enjoy it a LOT and if you are interested in it, let me know and I’ll get you some info. Here’s us this morning:

IMG950749

They were firing t-shirts off of the roof. I ran at one with a FERVOR. I was soooo close to catching it!* ……………………… *I was not

All of this charity stuff that I randomly get involved with is of course really great, but my biggest issue with the idea of charity as a whole is that it’s got to be boring or straight laced or religious or you have to have a face like this while you do it:

stoic

That’s dumb.

I like the idea of Swearity™

swear·i·ty

noun, plural swear·i·ties.

1. Generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless while having a bad ass time and/or rocking out or joking around.
2. A swearitable act or work. The comedy event a the Little Theatre is an act of swearity.
3. A swearitable fund, foundation, or institution: He left his estate to a swearity.
4. You have a face like this when you do it:
funny-saturday-night-live-the-hangover-zach-galifianakis-Favim.com-237665_large
fg
So here’s the list today:

1. Blog about it daily. DONE!

2. 1600 Calories a day. DONE!

3. Only meals that have been cooked by someone not paid to cook. So like mom’s dinner yes, delivery pizza no. DONE!

4. Read 4 books. (I’m open to suggestions!) Done with Delivering Happiness…next up is my friend Erin’s recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened…then Teresa’s recommendation: The Art of Racing in the Rain…then Emily’s recommendation: Warmth of Other Suns

5. Work out once a day for more than 30 minutes. (this is going to be lenient, like walking is acceptable) DONE!

I had a golf outing for the LPHS basketball team today…so part RAOK part exercise…and I didn’t drink so ALL WILLPOWER.

6. Tweet one joke a day (I will be posting this one to Twitter @kenbonowitz) DONE!

Screen Shot 2013-09-07 at 9.36.55 PM

7. Drink only water. DONE!

8. 100% Abstinence (yes, that means no flogging the pope, or whatever awesome euphemism you use) DONE!

9. Do one RAOK a day! (this will probably be pretty lenient as well, but we’ll see) DONE!

I coaxed some dollars out of the parents to donate to the roofsit this morning.

10. Surprise someone everyday. (probably my favorite submission out of all of them) DONE!

I was soooooo shitty at golf today…ALL day…BUT…I surprised all of my teammates with a drive that came out of NOWHERE and went a loooooooooooog way.

11. Learn to juggle 4 things. YOU KNOW WHY – NOT DONE

12. Learn a song on the trumpet. YOU KNOW WHY AGAIN – NOT DONE

13. Spend zero dollars. DONE!

14. Look like fat Thor (DONE!)

15. No texting. I will be available to call or Skype or email. But I won’t be texting. (I AM however SNAPCHATTING BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME)

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