September 14th

Posted: September 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

SUPER late post…I’m falling asleep writing so don’t judge this one! Or do. Actually, do judge this one. Harshly. 

I just got back from seeing my friend Kelli perform in a play! She nailed it. I laughed so incredibly hard tonight with my friends, sans drinking. I haven’t laughed that hard in months. I cried I laughed so much. It was all just ridiculous callbacks and inside jokes all night, which is 100% the best kind of night that doesn’t involve more than one model feeding me grapes.

I’ve been up for about 19 hours right now so things are starting to blur together. I have to go in to work tomorrow because even though God rested on the 7th day, I got shit to do. #blasphemerjokes

This morning I went on an estimate up in Michigan and the family had 4 kids under the age of 7, and Millie was with me, so of course we had show and tell.

It was like this only the goats were kids and the lady was Millie the dog:



It was totally ok though because Millie LOVED the attention after she got used to it. The kids’ mom told me that if gutter didn’t work out I could always be a pre-school teacher. I thought about that for a second and almost threw up. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being around kids. I’m a great “uncle” to my friends’ kids. I’m great with kids that don’t know me that well. I generally have a great time making them laugh. Then an hour goes by and I’m like



I’m sure when I have one of my own I’ll think differently (I’ll probably still try the gorilla walking away thing but my wife will be all “you don’t get these bananas unless you potty train Scarlett” So then I’ll not do the gorilla walking away thing until she leaves for work, and then I’ll totally do it…and by it I mean leave my child to fend for herself while daddy watches football)

^ See that?

That’s the kind of rambling you get when I’m sleep deprived.


After work I got my tire (the one that was flat from giving blood) fixed, FINALLY. Hit the bank to see that due to my not spending money I actually HAVE money, which is a good feeling that I recommend. Yeah, everyone just have money, it’s totally a good feeling! Don’t have money? You should probably rob a bank, but don’t mention my name if you get caught, I got a kid to potty train, man!

Went to the grocery store and spend dollars on a bunch of gluten free stuff so that I could make dinner for my friends Cary and Erin. I made this:

Gluten Free Monte Cristo:


  • 2 cups gluten-free pancake mix
  • ½  cup butter
  • 2/3 cup + 2 tablespoons Milk
  • 2 cups mozzarella cheese – shredded
  • 12 slices gluten-free ham – thinly sliced
  • 12 slices gluten-free turkey – thinly sliced
  • 3/4  cup strawberry fruit spread (or fruit spread of your choice)
  • 1/4 cup powdered sugar – to sprinkle on top


Gluten Free Bacon and White Bean Croquettes:


2 cups cooked or canned white beans, drained (set aside a few tablespoons of liquid from drained beans)

½ cup onion, chopped fine
⅓ cup crushed Rice Chex, or fresh gluten-free breadcrumbs
¼ cup dried or fresh parsley, minced
½ teaspoon of black pepper
1 egg, lightly beaten
2 strips of crisp bacon, chopped fine
1 to 1½ tablespoon of hot sauce (optional)

I thought they turned out OK and so far as I know, no one is dead yet. So that’s a win.


1. Blog about it daily. DONE!

2. 1600 Calories a day. DONE!

3. Only meals that have been cooked by someone not paid to cook. So like mom’s dinner yes, delivery pizza no. DONE!

4. Read 4 books. Done with Delivering Happiness…next up is my friend Erin’s recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened…then Teresa’s recommendation: The Art of Racing in the Rain…then Emily’s recommendation: Warmth of Other Suns

5. Work out once a day for more than 30 minutes. (this is going to be lenient, like walking is acceptable) DONE!

Millie yet again with the playing in the yard.

Playing with Millie is an amazing workout.

6. Tweet one joke a day (I will be posting this one to Twitter @kenbonowitz) DONE!

Screen Shot 2013-09-15 at 1.53.58 AM

7. Drink only water. DONE!

8. 100% Abstinence (yes, that means no flogging the pope, or whatever awesome euphemism you use) DONE!

9. Do one RAOK a day! (this will probably be pretty lenient as well, but we’ll see) DONE!

Cooking dinner for my friends! YES!

10. Surprise someone everyday. (probably my favorite submission out of all of them) DONE!

I surprised my aunt today in public by seeing her first and startling her. I got a good laugh.

11. Learn to juggle 4 things. YOU KNOW WHY – NOT DONE

12. Learn a song on the trumpet. YOU KNOW WHY AGAIN – NOT DONE

13. Spend zero dollars (ON MYSELF) DONE!

14. Look like fat Thor (DONE!)

15. No texting. I will be available to call or Skype or email. But I won’t be texting. (I AM however SNAPCHATTING BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME)


  1. Brady says:

    I don’t have anything in particular to say, Ken Bonowitz, but your blog has been cracking me up this month.

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