Sooooooo this morning Mr. Larry (pictured here):
decided he had had enough of my shit and he took a LEAP out of my arms when he was still a good 2 feet off the ground. This resulted in what the vet is telling me is a dislocated shoulder and a fractured wrist.
This is why I should not have kids, I can’t even hold on to a damn 16 year old dog.
Obviously I feel shitty for letting him get away from me like that, but the good news is that he’s expected to make a pretty full recovery. So once again, Larry is a friggin Highlander.
That really, REALLY threw my day off though. I spent a lot of time at the vet or driving to the vet or talking to the vet or having war flashbacks like a vet or driving around in a vet or performing a background check on a candidate.
That’s called vetting.
It was a very busy day at work and the the Larry thing happened and then I went to Smith’s over in Mishawaka for an open mic to get a few more tries in before Saturday. I really just wanted to try out one bit that I’ve been working on, and I did that. Then I had extra time to kill so I really just screwed around. There was a gentleman there that REALLY surprised me, though. Oh, and not at ALL in a good way.
This younger dude was wearing these kind of shoes:
So far, not weird.
Then I noticed he kept clipping on sunglasses over his glasses.
We were inside, at 9pm, so kinda weird.
Then he took the shoes:
And removed the insert…rubbed it on his face slightly….pressed it against his nose…took a nice big whiff…and calmly walked over to the trash can and threw the insert away.
Now I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a little kid eat their boogers all sly like no one is watching them, but that’s the kind of vibe this dude was putting out.
Instead of no one seeing him though, a few other comics and I had this reaction:
That’s the look of: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHAT DO WE DO OH MY GOD WHAT DO WE DO”
I took the high road, and publicly blogged about it. Duh.
Clearly I’m an adult.
1. Blog about it daily. DONE!
2. 1600 Calories a day. DONE! Down about 21 pounds now.
3. Only meals that have been cooked by someone not paid to cook. So like mom’s dinner yes, delivery pizza no. DONE!
4. Read 4 books. Done with Delivering Happiness…next up is my friend Erin’s recommendation: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened…then Teresa’s recommendation: The Art of Racing in the Rain…then Emily’s recommendation: Warmth of Other Suns
5. Work out once a day for more than 30 minutes. (this is going to be lenient, like walking is acceptable) DONE!
Millie is all the exercise I need is what I keep telling myself
6. Tweet one joke a day (I will be posting this one to Twitter @kenbonowitz) DONE!
7. Drink only water. DONE!
8. 100% Abstinence (yes, that means no flogging the pope, or whatever awesome euphemism you use) DONE!
9. Do one RAOK a day! (this will probably be pretty lenient as well, but we’ll see)
It was raining so incredibly hard today, but I still got out my ladder and climbed up to check out a gutter for an older couple that “swore it was clean and not plugged and that’s not the problem”
It was plugged, that was the problem, and I got soaked cleaning their gutter for free. Consider that my RAOK.
10. Surprise someone everyday. (probably my favorite submission out of all of them) DONE!
I’m counting myself today due to the WEIRDEST PERSON AT THE COMEDY SHOW TONIGHT
11. Learn to juggle 4 things….I’m SO CLOSE on this one!!!
12. Learn a song on the trumpet. YOU KNOW WHY AGAIN – NOT DONE
13. Spend zero dollars (ON MYSELF) DONE!
14. Look like fat Thor (DONE!)
15. No texting. I will be available to call or Skype or email. But I won’t be texting. (I AM however SNAPCHATTING BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME)