I took over a comedy club in South Bend, as most of you know. (1/6th of it, but whatever)
^^^^Check out our schedule and come see a show.
I got on stage for the first time last night and told some new jokes in front of about 35-40 people. It was the first time I’d been on stage since the big show we did in LaPorte in September, and it felt GOOD. It was either getting on stage or having a few Jack and Cokes…either way…felt GOOD.
It made me think about priorities again and how if you love something, you should really make time for it even when you are super busy.
I’m averaging 60 hours a week at the fambiz, about 10 hours a week at the comedy club, and I’m almost wrapped up with an Improv class I’m taking over in Chesterton on Sundays that takes about 3 hours a week. I get about 50 hours of sleep a week. If I toss in an hour a day for shit/shower/shaving, and another hour a day for eating things….14 hours there. Those are the things that I feel are required of my life right now. Those commitments equal…ummm…hold on I’m bad at math.
That’s still 31 hours a week that I have to
watch a bunch of porn do whatever I want!
So what can I fit in 31 hours a week? I’m going to follow the following rules for an astonishing 50 days. End date December 5th. Why 50 days? Because I’m a professional. Don’t try this at home. Actually, shit…DO TRY THIS AT HOME. Like my friend Erin. She’s such a great person AND she’s doing her own willpower month! (not paying me any royalties, but whatever)
Ok welcome back.
Wait, did you really not click that link? GO DO IT NOW. I’ll wait.
You good? You read it all? Ok!
Here’s the list this time around. For the next 50 days:
1. Blog about it daily so you can see me kick ass and or fail. I’m all about public humiliation, in fact I dated a girl nicknamed “Shark Teeth” in college. So yeah, your move, other people.*
*I wish that was not true. SHARK TEETH. Gum line so big her teeth closed WELL before her lips came together when she shut her mouth. Which was never, am I right fellas?
2. Wake up at 5 AM Monday-Friday, and 7 AM Saturdays and Sundays.
3. Step inside the actual gym in the morning everyday before work. I go to the YMCA so I’ll be checking in on Facebook there in the morning (although the settings will be set to only me as to not annoy the absolute shit out of everyone on Facebook more than I already do) I’ll take a screen shot of it and post it on the blog as proof that I’m not a stupid jerk liar like my parents. The tooth fairy is absolutely not real. I grew up in a house of lies.
The gym visit will consist of whatever the hell I want, but I’m going to focus on weight lifting rather than cardio. Believe it or not, in high school, your buddy Ben weighed 200 pounds and benched 330. Now I think I weigh 330 and can bench 200. Actually, lets see where we’re at right now. After the last challenge I think I was 264…having lost 24 pounds in 25 days or so.
*steps on scale*
*it doesn’t break*
*looks at the number*
Just kidding, of course I gained 8 pounds in less than a month…do you even know how much alcohol is in calories? or something?
So we’re starting at 272, which is like saying…
“Hey high school Ben, walk around for the next decade or so carrying ANY OF THESE things that weigh between 70-75 pounds”:
I mean, out of all of these things, the 11 year old seems the heaviest, but that’s just because he’s struggling and crying a LOT.
That previous joke was meant for people with a sense of humor. If you don’t have one, you probably cringed. That makes me smile.
50 days? ummm I mean I don’t see why 3 pounds a week should be too difficult, right? So about 7 weeks…21 pounds?
Let’s call it 30 pounds in 50 days, and let’s have some consequences.
So on December 5th, if I don’t weigh 242 or under…
I’ll donate 1,000 dollars to the Klu Klux Klan.
So that’s the first time I’ve ever Googled, “Donate to the Klu Klux Klan”, so I’m sure that means I’m now on quite a few government watch lists.
If that’s not motivation to lose some damn weight, I really don’t know that is.
Let me put this out there for the stupid people that read my blog. I don’t support the Klu Klux Klan, so if I had to give them a grand, I’d be pissed off. Get it? It’s called “accountability”.
What I called accountability is called being “very, very, stupid”
Glad we’re all clear.
I’m not putting any restrictions on booze or food, as the overall goal here is DON’T GIVE MONEY TO A HATE GROUP. I feel like I’ll be okay, even though I’m not restricting booze.
4. RAOK’s ARE BACK! <– link to one of my favorite RAOK’s.
5. Say yes to something once a week that I would absolutely have said no to. (my favorite submission)
6. In the 50 days I will be making 5 videos for charity.
These videos are available for purchase. Here’s the details:
If you want to give money to charity and have me record something completely stupid and post it on this blog and my Facebook, here’s your shot. All videos are prepaid, as last time I came out of pocket to cover a few of you dicks that just couldn’t come up with the money. I’m charging 30 bucks this time around.
For 30 dollars, I will record whatever you want on video and post it on my blog. This is for charity, so don’t be a moron and say “throw a brick off an overpass”. <—that was requested last time, MIKE….you dick.
Last time I did this, I tried to drink a gallon of milk in 15 minutes, I ate 6 Blazin’ wings from Buffalo Wild Wings with nothing to drink, I did the cinnamon challenge (I had short hair!):
Also, I was a “person of Walmart”, I wore skinny jeans in public, and I did a few music videos.
Best five submissions, I’ll do and post randomly throughout the 50 days. Shoot me a comment or a Facebook msg or a Tweet or whatever….let’s do some good!
I feel like that sums it up for this round. 50 days, some stupidly awesome shit.
I have no idea how to say the following statement without sounding 14. Also, I’ve posted this before, but it bears repeating….
I’ll leave you with this. It really does encapsulate what these 50 days are all about, even if it’s a picture of a dude with a quote over the top of it, which I normally cannot stand. (Say yes to something you would normally say no to, so…..)