I woke up feeling like poopie today. I did not go to the gym. I went to work. I started feeling better around 11am, I really think it was punishment for breaking yesterday. So to make up for my indiscretions yesterday, I went to the extreme the other way today:
I think that’s called the Castaway diet.
Anyway, I think that should balance out overdoing it yesterday. I went to find my weight on the trusty scale today, and it broke when I stepped on the it.
No joke. It’s all out of whack and I can’t get it to work, so I guess I should just give up and not worry about losing weight. I mean, it’s gotta be a sign.
I’m going to borrow a scale from my parents’ tomorrow and see where I’m at. I’m hoping for around 264. Here’s the crazy thing. I stepped on the scale when I originally weighed in, and it said 272. 30 pounds lost would be 242. Perfect. The next day, I moved the scale and stepped on it again, and it said 274. It turns out I can weigh different amounts if the scale is placed different places on the floor at my house of lies.
So instead of making the excuse that I really should only have to get to 244, I’m just going to lose the extra 2 pounds and be done with it. So it’s still 242 or the KKK gets a grand.
264 tomorrow would leave me about 31 days to lose 22 pounds, which I think is still very doable.
I’m probably delusional. This is FUN!
Ok so back to today:
First, Millie has decided that she misses me a lot when I’m out of the truck actually measuring a house. I know this because when I get back into the truck, this happens:
She wants to sit on my lap and hang out instead of the passenger seat where I keep 4,000 toys for her to chew on. Anyway…
The difference is the
That is my friend Val’s house. I was driving down her street on my way out from an estimate and I saw that her garage gutter was pretty damn full of leaves. So I cleaned it out for her. I even got rid of most of the shingle grit! If you have dyslexia, you might say it was gringle shit, and that would be funny.
Twitter joke! (this actually happened)
That’s the struggle of a man who is not sexing it up in any way. HASHTAGTRUTH!
After work today I sat on my bed knowing that I wanted to take a nap, so I went to the gym and hit my 3,000 instead:
JUST made it.
So I’m doing this tomorrow night:
I’ve had the topics for like two weeks and haven’t written a THING, so I’m going to sign off here now, not watch the Bears get killed, and write it all in 1/2 hour because I like to be thoroughly prepared for things.
1. Blog about it everyday: DONE
2. Wake up at 5 am on week days and 7am on weekends: I’m broken in this area.
3. Must physically step foot into the YMCA and workout every morning before work (P90X doesn’t count): Pshhhh.
4. Floss everyday (I just know I should do it more) DONE!!
5. Teach Millie to come to me. (she knows “sit”…and that’s all) DONE!
6. Do a Random Act Of Kindness (RAOK) everyday. DONE!
7. Say “yes” to something once a week that I would normally have said “no” to. 2/7
8. 5 Videos for Charity
9. Weigh 242 pounds or under at the end of the 50 days or donate 1,000 dollars to the KKK
10. Eat one meal that has vegetables in it every week. Which means I will ingest 7 more vegetables than I would have normally. 3/7
The add ons:
11. Nothing to drink other than water (no booze, pop, beer, OJ, milk, Crystal Light…NADA) DONE
12. Publish one new joke on Twitter every day. DONE
13. Only eat food that has been purchased at the grocery store and/or prepared by someone not paid to do so. DONE
14. Keep an accurate calorie count of all food every day. DONE
15. No spending money on anything other than necessities (example…bills, groceries, clothes are ok) DONE
16. Full abstinence (because any willpower month that doesn’t include not touching your dick is just silly) DONE
17. Wear the Nike Fuel band every day and hit 3,000 fuel points everyday DONE
18. Finally learn a damn song on the trumpet.