October 25th

Posted: October 25, 2012 in bucket list, Comedy, Diet, exercise, Inspiration, Motivation, weight loss, Will Power

I ate Subway today. That’s it.

I was so busy running around trying to get everything at work done so I could leave early and try to take care of all of the leaves at my house for the party this weekend. I left at 5.

10 hours. That’s the best it’s gonna get as far as “leaving early”. I worked on the leaves until 6:30 and then the sun went bye bye. I have to admit I was pretty tired after I got done with the leaves. So I did what anyone in my position would do to relax…

If you haven’t done the shower beer. Do it. Even if you don’t like beer. It’s quite simply the third best feeling in the world. (after orgasms and waking up before your alarm and realizing you have at least 2 more hours to sleep, duh)

I noticed that you just noticed my awesome seashell pattern in my bathtub. It’s pretty pimp, I know. I had to put the bathroom remodel on hold because I bought garage doors because some punk kids from across the street broke into my car.

THOSE KIDS GOT KICKED OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND ARE NO LONGER AROUND TO BOTHER ME.

There are two meme’s that explain how I feel right now:

The second one is a little longer…

Oh well, I’m still glad I bought the doors, now I can park in my garage this winter and not have to brush my car off every f*cking morning. For realsies, how annoying is that? #1stworldproblems. #Ilovemylife

Like 6 months ago I posted a Facebook status that said something like “Your Twitter hashtags don’t work here, you look silly”.

Now the social landscape has changed, and you can use #whatever to make your point.

I love that. I love that I hated something 6 months ago and now I like it. Change is friggin great.

#beamazing

Switching gears, how about this weather? 78 degrees today? AWESOME.

Low of 38 for my party Saturday, not awesome. Still, with three separate fires going, we should be fine. #sluttycostumesstillwelcomed

SEE…

#hashtagsaresuperuseful

What else is going on? Oh yeah, it’s official, I’m going to Florida for sure in January for like 10 days or so. If you live in Florida and want me to bestow the greatest hug upon you that you’ve EVER had…let a bro bro know!

get it?? I didn’t have anything to transition as usual…also, this is an equal opportunity blog…so here’s something for the ladies:

Anyway, Magic Miking this blog in an attempt to get readers is deplorable and totally something desperate that only the lowest of bloggers would attempt.

I’m now going to make a picture of C-Tates shirtless my picture on this post on Facebook, and see if there’s more traffic as a result.

This is clever because there is no way you’ll know that I did that until RIGHT NOW, like 3 minutes after you clicked it.

Also, in order to do that, I actually have to post a picture of Channing Tatum…Tatem?…shirtless. I guess Google is about to tell me how to spell his name correctly.

HOLY SHIT

you type in “CHAN” and that’s the result.

Let’s do an experiment, if I type in Matthew…will McConahey be #1?

Well, Matthew is a common first name, I can see why Mcconaughey is WAIT A MINUTE…Perry before McConaughey?? Perry better be bring that up when he’s in a pitch meeting. “Well if you simply Google my first name, you’ll find that I’m clearly the first choice over McConaughey and even Detroit Lions QB Matt Stafford…so…let’s just go ahead and assume I’ve got the job as ‘Guy drinking coffee’.”

Get it? Matthew Perry isn’t doing much these days.

ANYWAY

I now know how to spell Tatum…so here’s a picture of him so I can use him as my lead in on Facebook:

ewwwwwwww

Really though, when you are that attractive, you don’t need to know that sunglasses don’t go in your mouth, but are used to shield your eyes from the bright light of the sun. Unless his neck has skin cancer, and he’s doing the best he can.

I will now counter the picture of Channing Tatum with a picture of me, because why not:

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I’m currently booked for strip shows, but am completely, readily, and totally available for “fat guy that falls down a lot”.

Nighty night kids.

See you Saturday? I hope so!

Comments
  1. rmpanos says:

    I will have you know that Matthew Perry is starring in a hit sitcom called Go On on NBC, thank you very much, haha #putthatinyourpipeandsmokeit

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